Reizay Liafin's

Life.

2010-10-24T12:59:00.002+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim

I recite from an old post, from an old long lost blog.

"What do you do, when you replace your life;
With the love you have inside and with life that you just lost."

Do you know what it is like to live?

Simple: We live, we breathe and we die.

That is all there is to life, there isn't much difference between yours and mine.
All you got to make sure is that you're breathing the right amount.
Every single step along the way and the right amount accumulated.
Every time you breathe in.
Until the end of the day, once you let it all out.

How I died, is the simplest matter of all; how I died helped millions of others breathe.

All I really am saying is give back to those who gave you much more; they deserve it.

amin.

you are the destroyer.

2010-08-09T03:10:00.003+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

One day, you would make promises.

One day, you would build trust.

One day, you would know love.

One day, you would be happy.

In just one day, a million other things could happen.

And in just one day, it could all just crumble.

Crumble to the little bits and pieces, just like cookies.

I love cookies, do you love cookies?

Chocolate chip with nuts, oh so crunchy.

Imagine having one in your mouth, you could taste it.

Every single bite, every single crumb.

It tastes so magical, it tastes so sinful.

Because as you chew and chew, you realize that you have just destroyed it.

The perfect cookie, you just destroyed what you enjoy most.

You love the taste so much, you don’t want to stop eating it.

But then again, you destroyed it into crumbs.

And that is not helpful, because you would be left with no more cookies.

That’s life, everything just crumbles.

Because we enjoy destroying it, even when we love it.

We destroy it, out of greed.

I am sorry, but these are the facts of life.

That you and I, together we need to understand.

Or one day we could all stand by the sidelines, and there is only one word.

One word left to say, one word left on our lips.

Goodbye.

i recite: "the winds of change is nearing, will you still be there when it ends?"

amin.

the gift, i gave.

2010-07-20T20:47:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

we see the everyday things, we watch the everyday happenings.

do you even understand, what life would be?

love is a gift, i did my part.

i am happy.

i should be, right Daddy?

i love you.

amin.

Untitled

2010-04-01T16:04:00.005+08:00

Bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

"In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun."

Mary Poppins.

Acquainting Patience updated.

Amin.

to them we ask what.

2010-03-25T04:01:00.003+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

A sudden rush to the head, blood runs from the heart to the brain.

I feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted, or has it?

I don't know, I need to be strong yet so weak.

What is it I lack, what is it that I need.

A series of ups and downs, is that all there is to life?

I awoke today realizing that I am not, a saint.

Neither nor am I all that I am, I am but another shadow.

Rising to the occasion, leaving nothing but a sound in the head.

Nothing remains but the tip of the glass, where I sip my gold.

Where art thou heart?

Where art thou mind?

I am lost, in-between being human and being all that I can be.

As I lay here, I ponder upon the possibilities to living.

Who am I?

Who are you?

Who are they?

As I end my days, and you end yours.

Everyone starts to dream, and we all dream of a better life.

What if there was nothing better?

What then?

Then we lay down..

In one single moment..

We ponder who, what, when, why, how.

Are we dead yet?

Or are we even alive?

Nobody knows.

Are you dead?

Or are you alive?

Are you really living?

Or are you really dying?

amin.

Win, Lose or Draw.

2010-03-22T20:10:00.004+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

'86 Team.

win, lose or draw.

it doesn't matter.

i know many Kopites want us to finish fourth.

but honestly, i hope we don't.

let's just focus on EPL shall we?

champions league or not, no EPL club is going to emulate our 5 CL cups.

none.

with the likes of Barcelona, no EPL team will be able to do so.

not anytime soon.

so i hope we end up fifth or sixth or seventh.

TOP 10, but bottom half of the 10 at least.

that way, we can concentrate on EPL next season.

buy one big name player, like Silva.

and get Arda Turan here and keep Torres and Gerrard.

we also need a left back, don't have to be a big name player.

below 10million will be nice.

with hope in my heart, i believe we will make it some day.

on a side note, i started a new blog.

a book blog, called ACQUAINTING PATIENCE.

comment on it please, thanks.

each chapter will be released every 1 or 2 weeks.

i will inform when it is updated.

the book blog will simply be about, acquainting patience.

hopefully it works out.

amin.

do you understand now?

2010-03-16T23:02:00.010+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

"There's never been a true war that wasn't fought between two sets of people who were certain they were in the right. The really dangerous people believe they are doing whatever they are doing solely and only because it is without question the right thing to do. And that is what makes them dangerous."

Mr. Wednesday to Shadow, in Ch. 9 of the book American Gods.

-Neil Gaiman.

it's them we have to look out for,

it's them who we have to fear.

it's them we have to care for,

it's them who has no love.

it's them we have to watch our for,

it's them who we have to kill.

it's them we have to lose sleep for,

it's them who has no heart.

good times will never pass,

good times will never come.

for all we know,

death is right around the corner.

for all we know,

life is just another project.

for we might be the subjects,

when we die we know.

all i had, all i have.

all i gave, all i take.

amin.

the meaning behind my words.

2010-03-13T01:46:00.003+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

"That which hath made them drunk hath made me bold,

What hath quenched them hath given me fire."

- William Shakespeare's Macbeth

For which we seek, we might not know.

For which we know, we might not seek.

I long for an armistice, with the heart that wages war.

I long for a depletion, of the existence of such mockery.

We are all born equal, you and I.

You have a pair of hands, as do I.

And with a pair of hands, you and I.

We spread our wonders, we build up towers.

I topple tower after tower, hoping to find.

Hoping to find....

Enough hope.

Enough light.

What we all think we lack.

Is what we all had always.

What I know I lack.

I just have to make do.

I won't bring the dead back to life.

"Though I go alone, like a lonely dragon....."

William Shakespeare's Coriolanus.

on a side note, i love dragons.

the most majestic and intelligent creatures.

get me one for my birthday thank you! :D

amin.

timing my exit.

2010-03-07T22:38:00.002+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

one day, i will be a wanderer.

seeing each every wonder of the world.

that's all i am, that's all i will ever be.

for sure.

amin.

We are.

2010-02-24T12:29:00.003+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

I can find a million names to that face; I can speak of a thousand traits to that hand. I can call upon the sands of time and find what I lost; I can recreate what I destroyed. All it takes is just one flick of the switch and I will be supreme. We are what we are, genius to our art.

He who finds himself alone, is he who finds himself with friends. He who locks his heart, is he who dies alone. But he who finds himself searching, will find that there is light all over; all he needed but loneliness is not so far away anymore. You who seek what you lost, look the other way; we all are seekers to our own quidditch game. Win or lose, it will all be over soon.

We are all messengers, finding ways and manipulating others to get our message across. We are all but worthless beings, unfit for the throne that we sit upon. Mercenaries we are, profit is all we thirst. Who are we, to rule this beauty? Who are we?

Mozart once said, “To talk well and eloquently is a very great art, but that an equally great one is to know the right moment to stop.”

So when do we stop?

Are we not accomplished?

I say now, enough blood has been spilled.

Or are you waiting for even greater blood?

amin.

why boy why?

2010-02-20T03:19:00.004+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

safetysuitmoments.

because today that memory re-ignited.

because today that memory re-ignited by one song.

because today that memory re-ignited by one band.

because today that memory re-ignited by the same song i dedicated to her.

because today that memory re-ignited by the same song she dedicated to someone else.

because today that memory re-ignited by the fact that i gave my all then.

because today that memory re-ignited by the fact that i have nothing left now.

because today that memory re-ignited by the love i have inside.

because today that memory re-ignited by the pain i am not sure why but it is still there.

i hold no regrets, i hold no more grudges.

we are all homosapiens, we all make mistakes.

but i admit that my only mistake was not being who she wanted me to be.

nothing more, nothing less.

re-ignited.

dang, come to think of it.
i still have that blog up.
why oh why boy?

amin.

giving it all back.

2010-02-19T15:26:00.003+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

We live, we breathe, and we die.

That is all there is to life, there isn’t much different between yours and mine. All you got to make sure is that you’re breathing the right amount every single step along the way and the right amount accumulated every time you breathe in. Until the end of the day, you let it all out.

How I died, the simplest matter of all; how I died help make millions of others breathe.

All I really am saying, give back to those who gave you so much more; they deserve it.

amin.

that boy, with the afro.

2010-02-15T20:55:00.004+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Joshua Daniel "Josh" Hartnett

"Hope is the most exciting thing in life and if you honestly believe that love is out there, it will come. And if it doesn't come straight away there is still chance that all through you life that it will.

Hitsugaya Toushiro (BLEACH)

"We are all like fireworks. We climb, shine, and always go out separate ways and become further apart. But even if that time comes, let's not disappear like a firework and continue to shine...forever."

With a little bit of sun and little bit of rain, flowers that never did bloom will do so tonight. On your way out, I want to ask. Did you hear about the boy? The boy who gave the world his heart but the world took his heart for granted, overlooked his message and lied to everyone else with it? Man I miss that boy. That boy could dance the night through, sing like elves do to trees and touch like a feather would the water. What are the odds? I am everyone else but I don’t want to be part of the world, I am just a drifter. Stuck in-between the sands of time, unknown when I’ll be set free.

I miss you boy.

amin.

an influx of posts, for my readers to read.

2010-02-11T20:14:00.006+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

In dreams, I will dream.

As hours past, my dreams grow vast.
In a ball field with greens, I know I will win.
It takes two to clap, and another two to flap.
Rest on the wings of an angel; I’ll sleep with them fluffy bagels.

There are no barriers, I’m walking without barriers.
Oh, how beautiful.
A sight to be seen, we were all born twins.
I salute to you, my favourite tune.

In dreams, I will dream.

Zee Yazier Nifail Hamzah

I know lately there has been an influx of posts, so bear with me if I am too fast and you did not get to read the previous posts. You just have to go to the reminisce page to find out what you miss know? The world, or at least my view of the world, has been crazy. Filled with joyful memories, heartwarming memories and all these memories I hope they are built to last. You who are reading this, how have your days been? Everything that happens, they happen for a reason and they happen to teach us a lesson. So grasp each day with open arms, you might not know what you might just find. Keep an open mind will you?

hopefully it will start tonight, I am certain about this.

amin.

I am not a believer no more, are you still?

2010-02-11T07:54:00.009+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim

They say true love is a fable and peace is only in our heads.

Balance.
They say we need balance on earth, they say that we need a balance of good and evil for the world to keep on running. But it doesn’t take an angel to notice that we are a dying trend, we are killing the only thing we need in life. Believe me when I say I am no saint and not a saviour either; I am just another entity watching from the corner. Like in a free-for-all arena or in a ring where two boxers passes lefts and rights, I am just the audience refusing to be part of such atrocity.

Why do we need so much hate? The respect is gone; everyone is just angry with everyone but no cares of the casualties. An exchange of a series of wild agonising screams of terror, it brings tears to a child’s eyes and strikes a fear that will forever scar the heart. This is why true love is a fable.

Peace?
That is just another excuse for fame. He says, “I stand up for you my brothers and sisters, I stand here before you to bring peace to our lives. I stand here before you to spread the message of peace and harmony and love!” He appears in papers, go for interviews and gets worldwide fame. All the money he receives, he keeps in his own wallet. Just when they thought he would be the change in their lives. I am not quoting or imitating or disgracing any person that is alive or dead. This is my own illustration, no need to charge me for my own story.

What we need to do is, to give more, to love more and to respect more. I am no perfect son, neither am I the change that we all need. I am just another passer-by and will keep on passing on by. In a world where anger and hate are void of tolerance, I ask you who listens to us all. Where’s our dark knight? Where’s the saint that becomes the devil but keeps everyone else in order? Where?

This is the homosapien’s pride, pride that they have got to erase.

All that I receive I give back to you.
All that I keep is what keeps me alive.

If you have it [love], you don’t need to have anything else.
And if you don’t have it, it doesn’t matter much what else you have.
Sir James M. Barrie

On a side note, I wonder how I am going to ask her out.

amin.

My life, my purpose.

2010-02-09T16:21:00.003+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

You either find what you want, or it finds you.

I wonder what I want sometimes, I always find myself lost between two entities. Is it freedom that I seek or the “peace” that every other person promotes but never acts upon? Sometimes we wonder what our life is about or even, why we are born in the first place. These things we think about some think about it more frequently than others but equally everyone looks for a reason to live.

I came about a quote, “My life has a superb cast but I can’t figure out the plot.” It is by Ashleigh Brilliant, an author and a syndicated cartoonist.

I find it rather similar to my life. I figure it is; I love the cast in my life right now. I have superb people around me, a mother which sacrifices so much more than anyone I know, a dead father that continues to be my drive to live, a step-father that takes care of my mother well, two brothers who have their own agendas but love me equally and a sister who gives me her utmost support in my interests. A beautiful family I have, cousins, aunts and uncles, even with their imperfections I love them still. Then I have friends who give me their all, understanding me even when I don’t totally understand myself, I wouldn’t want to replace them with anyone. Doesn’t that count as a beautiful cast?

Many would call me crazy for wanting more in life, especially when I have such beautiful people around me. Call me crazy but I am one person who wants to understand the bigger picture; I can’t live being ignorant to all the things that are happening in the world. Even if I can’t bring about peace to this world, I would like to at least be able to say I tried. To at least find freedom, to at least understand why life always chaotic and frenzy; has it always been this way? Or have we all turned corrupt since the days of the cavemen. My reason to live is to understand, I know I am meant for greater. I am not greedy; I just refuse to believe that life is unfair. Life is fair, we make it unfair and we complain for our wrong doings. Isn’t that just us?

Let it be found, or it shall find us.

On a different topic altogether, these butterflies are growing bigger. Oh what a dilemma!

amin.

i am the young, and i will teach you a lesson.

2010-02-08T13:18:00.007+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Listen to what the young can teach you, to all age and cultures. You might be older, smarter and more experience but does not mean you are wiser. Today I learnt a valuable lesson I guess and guess who taught me this lesson?

A young 11-month old girl.

Surprised? She might not even know what she is doing but listen and watch her movements. Because she surely has a mind of her own to take what she wants and what she does not want.

I relate her to a girl; I believe a girl’s nature can be born from the start of her life. All these feelings are born with them, they are meant to feel so.

1) I put her down, with the milk she wanted but when I walked away, she cried. When I come back to her, just lie beside her and watch her, she stops crying. Sometimes all a girl wants is for you to be there for her, not for you to say anything but just stay there and watch her. Just sit beside her and do nothing but hold her. Let her know you’re there for her.

2) I lay down beside her, she wanted to crawl away. Her head just was about to hit the edge of a cabinet and I know it is going to be nasty if she did; since the edge of the cabinet was fairly sharp. I rested my hand on her head, she kept pushing it away. I rested my hand on the edge of the cabinet, she pushed it again. I was wondering, even though she only thought of her motive and not the dangers. She surely knew that she did not want to be protected. So I came to a conclusion, is that sometimes a girl just wants to make the all the mistakes she can. She does not want to know that you will protect her or not, she knows you will. But what matters to her is that, whether you will be there when the episode is over. Whether you will still hold her hand and proudly name yourself hers and let the world know that you are hers to keep.

I know I wrote down those simplest things but come to think of it, I don’t think you would even notice these little things. The point isn’t to let guys know what to do and not do to a girl. Somehow it is also too but my main point is. Keep your head low, you might just learn the most important life lesson from a kid. It does not take experience and sheer determination. Its about making or breaking life. Its about understanding life. Who are we, if we don’t give a chance to learn from each other; no matter if the teacher is younger. On that note, mistakes are meant to be learnt from and not to knelt down to and giving up life for.

“Life is not the number of breaths you take, its number of times life takes your breath away.”

-Anonymous, (HITCH movie)

amin.

Derby Glory!

2010-02-07T09:19:00.005+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

didn't i told you KOPites to be patient? All the injuries and all the heavy expectations, what for? We are Liverpool, we ALWAYS get better. I know its frustrating, especially when we are starting from last season's hype. Also with Manchester United equalling our record 18 EPL titles. All these worried you, worried me and put fear in some of your hearts.

Then there's the debt issue, come on. Manchester United and Arsenal have bigger debts than ours. Manchester United's debt is 700million+/- , I don't have the exact figures. Arsenal's is 450million+/- , still I can't find the exact figure. But the fact of matter is that we have lesser debt than these two clubs. The reason why our debts is so much in the news, is that we don't have stable reinvestment plans. Which I blame them American owners for. COME ON! WE ARE A SOCCER CLUB, passion for soccer not for money. You want money, go buy Barcelona. The most successful club right now, as I see it though.

Enough of impatience, last night we saw our team's improvement. We won the match within the 60minutes, with 10 men. We were superb, really. Gerrard was talismatic again, Kuyt is as usual hardworking and has always been there for us. Reina superb as usual, best goalkeeper of our time. Unsung hero have got to get more respect. Let's keep this up, didn't I tell you that it's just a matter of time. And oh, Maxi worked his butts off too~

But FIFA, please employ video referees. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO REFEREES?!

THE SUPERB HEADER BY DIRK KUYT!

On a side note, let's take this slowly okay?

"...she's got me twisted inside out..."

amin.

Perfect heartbreak, skilfully executed.

2010-02-05T19:48:00.008+08:00

Imagine. You had everything, money, looks, brains and popularity. Wherever you go, girls know your name and everywhere you turn you have friends acknowledging you. What would you do with all that? Would you party every other day? Or would you use all that you have and help make the world a better place? The choices we make every day matters. This is the story of a young man, who had his life turned out to be more breathtaking than he’d expect it to be. This is my story.

“Life, how fast it twists and turns. I didn’t expect it to be like this, not in a million years.”

My name is Jonathan. I’m young, rich and handsome. Or perhaps I used be. Now life just seems to be an empty barrel just waiting to be disposed of. I remember those days when I was back in school, being the most popular guy on campus. Getting a girl wasn’t such a hefty chore; it was more like a past time for me. And the guys are either jealous or just looking for an opportunity to hook up with the girls who were always around me. What a life I had then, breezing through my studies too.

Then there was her, the girl I gave everything up for. She was just a year younger, my beloved sister’s age and just like any other plain Jane, she did not have a figure to die for or even a face with the golden ratio. But her eyes, her eyes won me over and most of all was her oh-so-seductive voice. Got me a fever the first time I heard her, a fever I know only she could cure. Her name was Annabelle and it suits her perfect too.

It took me 6 months just to get her. She was hard to get unlike the other girls I dated. She had the same background as me, wealthy but yet our parents are really never there. I could easily relate to her, about anything and everything. And every day, it was like heaven on earth. I was drowned in the pool of her love and I know I made this choice.

For the whole two years of being with her, life was superb. And the only family I really have my sister Sheila, reaped the rewards of this “marriage” I had with Annabelle. She was just like a limb of my own; I could neither live with nor live without it. Sheila got the sister she never had, and I was just as contented with this relationship. Perfect, I used to call it.

Here comes the killer, on my final year, assignments were piling up and I wanted give it the best I can. Leaving very little time for Annabelle, it was a very tough time for her. I was not there for her all the time anymore, I wasn’t even aware of our anniversaries. All these then led to that fateful night, the night I lost my life.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning as I woke up to the sound of my favourite tune on the radio. I felt great, like there’s nothing that would go wrong. I had my usual cereal breakfast, and did my workout. After which, I prepared myself for the evening’s get-together; putting on my flowery print shirt and my jeans on, did my hair and spray cologne all over myself. I told my sister to not wait up for me, I kissed her and left the house.

I took a cab straight to The Central @ Clarke Quay and aliased with my friends. It was busy as per normal; young teens walking around in their colourful outfits, men and women in their suits looking like they needed the weekend to rest. Then there were us, standing in the middle of the mall looking around for a place to have lunch. All of us in our shirts, colourful yet elegant shirts, and our dress pants; it was party night. I saw couples, quite a few them, all in smiles and they looked like they drank one cup too many in the early evening. I started to think of Annabelle so I called to check on her.

She picked up, first sounding as if she heard a ghost then she started mumbling, sounding as if she was in a meeting. She told me she was busy but her background was the hustle and bustle of the road. We hung up and I should have known that something was wrong, but as usual I brushed it off my mind.

My friends decided to grab lunch at Starbucks Coffee; they ate while I drank my drink quietly on the side. I remember having this churning feeling inside, it made me feel real bad. It really wasn’t a pleasant experience, especially when the plans were to have fun, party and breathe all the stress out. We were all drowning in our work for weeks; this party night had to be the best before we start to drown into our work again.

We sat in there, for like an hour. We gossiped like little girls, we laughed till our eyes would tear and complained like we were unsatisfied husbands. It was all good fun, to pass the time before heading off to party. But I was hoping that Annabelle would show and be here laughing with us. And just when we were about to leave, God answered my prayers; but not in the way I wished for.

It felt as if a sharp blade was thrust through my gut, with the blade slicing off all the major blood streams. Creating a catastrophe inside me, everything was going haywire. Time stalled and moved slower than Neo in the movie Matrix. I was shocked, stunned, broken, and insulted, all at the same time. There she was holding hands with another man, coming into Starbucks Coffee, not even noticing I was sitting right beside the door.

Her eyes, her eyes were all over him, those hazel brown eyes. The same eyes I fell in love with, were now in love with another man. She even kissed him on the lips as they entered Starbucks Coffee. My friends could tell by the look on my face, I was devastated. But she was still oblivious, that I was there watching her every move from the moment she entered, till the moment that she turned and looked around for seats. That was when she saw me, her face turned as white as snow; I knew then that she was shocked and ashamed.

But that was not all, amongst all of my closest friends, the one I trust most was the one holding her hand, kissing her lips, and the one who said he was too busy with his work to join our little get-together; and his name is Adam.

Next thing I knew, I screamed a scream so loud that it made her cry. I stomped right in front of Adam, and gave him what he deserved; a punch on the face. After which, I left the whole tainted scene.

My friends followed suit, and they kept trying to calm me down. They said so many things, but all of that went through one ear and out the other. I could not concentrate at all, all I heard were my own footsteps and my heavy breathing. Everything happened so fast, it was like the exhilaration of jumping off the cliff, the only difference; this was heartbreak.

Once we were all far away and out of their sight, I fell to my knees and tears streamed down my face. I didn’t care who or what was watching me. I just wanted someone or something to take the pain away. On top of all the stress I had, I have to deal with this. Not only did my girl cheat on me, but my close friend backstabbed me too. At that point of time, how I wish God would take my life away; God did not answer me that time though.

For the whole two years, I made choices that were the best for me, my sister and Annabelle. I made choices that were sacrificial of my past lifestyle; I had no time to party with my friends, not even time for myself. Even on days that I was free, it was either spent with my sister Sheila or Annabelle. That night was reserved for my friends and I to party, and even though I had the choice to go home and calm myself down. I took the choice to party and dance my sorrows away.

Oh what a party it was, really. There were three girls to each guy on the dance floor, but that wasn’t what I wanted. Girls were the last thing on my mind, all I wanted was to party and forget. I know it is totally impossible to forget two years in one night. That’s the job of alcohol, and on that night an extra special medication was needed.

Yes drugs. The worst choice I made that night was taking drugs. Not only that, I was tipsy when I took them too. The only thing I remembered was bright blue and green lights and I danced till I couldn’t stand anymore. It was a party alright.

Then I remember myself crying, outside the club, and then in the cab on the way home. Everything else after that was a blur, up until I woke up in the morning...life was terrible since that morning.

Under the Penal Code (Singapore), Chapter XVI: Offences against the human body, supposedly I am charged with Rape and then again, it was sectioned under Incest. And if I was charged with Incest, being that Sheila is above the age of 16, I was to face imprisonment up to five years. Unfortunately, Lady Luck was on my side but really, how I wish she was not. I was not sure why but the judge and jury came to a consensus that I was intoxicated at the time of crime; even though I intoxicated myself.

I was charged with the misuse of drugs and I was dragged into jail for six months and that was it. I counted myself unlucky for being inside for just a short while. I tried turning over a new leaf after I was released but one shocking piece of news made the whole aspect of turning over a new leaf, excruciating. My friends came up to me, and told me that Adam and Annabelle had planned the whole encounter; everything from the day I was caught up with assignments to the day I saw them together. They had the message conveyed to me through my friends and they were asking for forgiveness; they never thought it could lead to this, especially about my sister. I assumed they had no guts to tell it to my face.

I lost my mind, I started talking to myself and I stayed away from any kind of company. I lost the ability to trust and eventually, I turned to drugs again. Six months later, I was caught and since it is the second offence under drug misuse, I was thrown in jail for a year. After my release, my beloved parents forgave me for what I have done to my beloved sister. I figured that they did not want to lose their son, because they lost their daughter to an asylum; I figured they sent her there, and I still blame myself for what that has happened to her.

But even after a year in jail, I was still very much lost in my thoughts; I was still talking to myself and was still rejecting company. So my beloved parents, afraid of a repeat of my sister, sent me to rehab. And after two years of rehab, I decided that I had no choice but to rebuild my life from scratch.

“I thought I had it all figured out, but this is Life and it never goes the way you plan it to be; especially when you make the wrong choices in life.”

So this is me rebuilding my life now, speaking to you as your mentor. That fateful night happened five years ago, and in those five years, I learnt that making the right choices is essential to leading a good life. My choices landed me in jail, my sister Sheila in an asylum and unfortunately, my studies have gone down the drain. I am lucky, lucky to even be standing out here a free man still. But I doubt lady luck will be on my side again and I am not willing to bet on it. Don’t make the choices I made because it might lead you to something you wish you never would have done. This is my story, the breathtaking story of Jonathan, the man who lost everything in just one night.

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

TAKE NOTE: above is a short story I wrote for my IG/CCA, I don't know whether it is going to get publish or not. I rather publish it here rather than let a good story like this go to waste. it is a fictional story, all the characters are fictional and none are of relations of anyone in real life. I copyright this story as mine, please do not use it for your own. this is the first place you are going to read it, and it shall stay as the first. please respect my hardwork in writing this, thank you.

amin.

I am Shadow.

2010-02-01T23:17:00.002+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Hello world,

Now I know you will never have thought of me writing this, neither have you ever thought would I feel this way. Now at the end of this, don’t you dare come to me with comforting words because those words that will pour out from your from mouth are lies. I am on the edge of my world right now; I am on the verge of pulling the trigger.

I think I’ve lost my mind, I know I’ve lost my way. My beliefs have backfired on me; I know it takes a little more patience. But for all the years of my life, very few people have believed in me. I thank them at that; I am honoured to be someone’s hope to do great. But every time I know I can succeed and I will succeed, there are those who pull me back. I am bound for something better; I am bound for greatness. But why can’t they just let me win? Why can’t they believe in me? Haven’t I put in effort? Isn’t it enough prove that I won’t let you down? I can and I will do you proud, if you just give me that chance. I don’t know what’s with this world. I know there is bound to be competition and such, but this. This is just prejudicial! Come on, be fair. I am sick of being the shadow; I want to be the light. Don’t stop me, don’t you dare stop me. Even if it takes all that I have, I don’t care. This heart of mine will stop flowing the blood of peace and willingness. Because now is my time, I will push you down. And at that time, don’t come to me begging. You are unfair.

My name is Shadow, don't talk to me.

F*!@#$%^&*ish off.

amin.

working it out.

2010-01-20T00:08:00.001+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

i am working towards my dream, no one else will get me there

i either die trying or i dun dream at all, because i know.

it deserves my my heart and soul, unlike them all.

who made a fool out of mine.

heart and soul.

the road might be getting more and more darker, colder.

maybe just maybe, that's what we all need right now.

a little bit of fear, and a little bit of heart.

a little bit of love.

to die with.

“I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything.

I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know.

I'm one of those people.” - John Lennon.

aren't we all?

amin.

Ohana.

2010-01-10T11:52:00.008+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

I wish everyday is Hari Raya Aidilfitri.
It is not about the money, I've grown out of that.
Quite a few years back, the money is just an extra.
It's about being together, just seeing each other's face.
Knowing that he or she is not just another stranger, but.
He or she is actually family and this one time of the year.
We all acknowledge we are family and that we welcome each other.
No matter if we fake it or not, we still are bounded by blood.
We are a huge family and I emphasis that to all.
We are who are, the moment we are born.

Everyone keeps talking about how much Christmas is about being together.
But Christmas is not the only day we get together, Hari Raya is too.
Having a big group of friends is good, everyone is around you.
But why can't we do that as a family too, no matter.
If we are not related much, or don't meet much.
Why can't we acknowledge each other.
Remember each other.
Love each other.
Peace.

"Ohana means family...Family means nobody gets left behind...or forgotten."
from the movie Lilo & Stitch.

I recite,
"while some are gathering the little pieces together.
the rest are just ignorant of each other."

amin.

hold me.

2010-01-04T23:21:00.004+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth.
For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures,
and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love.

- Francis Bacon

sometimes, all you need is to wake up.
because it doesn't help, when you're all alone. ♥

amin.

lost.

2010-01-02T17:10:00.005+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim

what happens next?

amin.

calling you out.

2009-12-30T14:39:00.009+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

The sun is set
I close my eyes
I pretend everything’s alright
Drowning in anger from all these lies
I can’t pretend everything's alright
Please don't let me fall forever
Can you tell me it’s over now?
There's a hate inside of me like
some kind of master
I try to save you but
I can’t find the answer
I'm holding onto you
I’ll never let go
I need you with me as I
enter the shadows
Caught in the darkness
I go blind
Can you help me find my way out?
Nobody hears me
I suffer the silence
Can you tell me it’s over now?
There's a hate inside of me like
some kind of master
I try to save you but
I can’t find the answer
I'm holding onto you
I’ll never let go
I need you with me as I
enter the shadows
I'm holding onto you
I'm holding onto you

There's a hate inside of me like
some kind of master
I try to save you but
I can’t find the answer
I'm holding onto you
I’ll never let go
I need you with me as I enter the shadows

amin.

dreams die hard, don't they all?

2009-12-29T04:55:00.007+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Maybe I was destined to do this, since I started.
Mine half-dead dream, its starting to grow again.
Should I?

Lost in the realm of thoughts, in a world where I am not.
Lost in a tornado of thoughts, in a dream of dreams.
So my son, what have you learn today?
Dreams die hard, don't they all?

amin.

Liverpool vs Wolves 26/12/2009

2009-12-27T21:48:00.002+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Sport Whine

First Half: like last week's, we were good at the start. but then Wolves took over, and i can say we lost our heads for a moment there!

Second Half: thank Rafa for making the boys relaxed and on form. we took the game for ourselves, and superb performance boys. hopefully the Arabs liked it and will take over Gillet's share.

on a side note, superb debut for our little prince; Alberto Aquilani.

now Kopites, lets hope we keep our form this Monday.
YNWA!

our little boy; Fernando Torres.
(look what Reina did to him)

amin.

i have fallen, in love.

2009-12-26T23:38:00.009+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

you know what, Jamie Archer made me smile from ear to ear.
he is testament, that we should not forget our dreams.
look what he made Simon do, lip sing!
i should not too, my half-dead dream.
rock in the name of peace&love!

nothing makes us watch in awe, other than the truth.
filled with much honesty, and heart.
all it takes, all it ever took.

Being nice to someone you dislike doesn't mean you're fake. It means you're mature enough to tolerate your dislike towards them.

- Rebecca Ravenna Lee's Tumblr

When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." Thats all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know its only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words. [pause, walks over to Molly] Ive lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."

-Mr Edward Magorium (Dustin Hoffman)

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art—write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can; and I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

- Neil Gaiman

amin.

two times two equals five, is it?

2009-12-25T23:14:00.003+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

counting the number of times love let me down, none. ♥

Angel eyes
You have angel eyes
Such a smile that lights up my life oh
You're a dream come true
Now I'm holding you
And I'll never, never let you go
I will never let you go

First time I laid my eyes upon you
All my dreams were answered
First time I kissed your tender lips
My love to you I surrendered

I'll never let you go
You're always on my mind
You're the only one for me
You're all I need
And I'll never, never let you go

Angel eyes
My heart relies
On the love you give to me
You never let me down
You're always by my side
And I'll never, never let you go
I will never let you go

When my heart starts to crumble
And the tears start to fall
You hold me close with tender lovin'
And give me strength to carry on

I'll never let you go
You're always on my mind
You're the only one for me
You're all I need
And I'll never, never let you go

I'll never let you go
You're always on my mind
You're the only one for me
You're all I need
And I'll never, never let you go oh ooh
And I'll never, never let you go

amin.

RIP Brit Murphy.

2009-12-23T23:22:00.005+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

she looked at him, and she screamed.
"GO AWAY! I'm not ready for your love, or for that matter; from anyone. I can't even bring myself to love myself. How can I accept you, and accept your love?! Please, understand me."
tears began to fall as she brought herself to finish her words.

he looked up, put his finger on her lips and said.

"Darling, wipe your tears; those eyes deserve better. Let me tell you, how I see this. You say you don't love yourself, how can that be. You treat yourself like how a king treats his queen, you made sure that every part of you is perfect to everyone's eyes. Yes, I agree you're insecure of your looks. But you care so much about how you look in other's eyes, how can you say that you don't love yourself? Let me be that missing piece, give me a chance to complete you. Even though I know, I am not perfect and I am not the most beautiful around. But I know, we can be beautiful together. Because you make me beautiful, you make me; complete. So let me return the favour, so let me be the one that holds you when you shiver, wipe your tears when you cry, carry you around when you get sick, and moan when you get cranky. I don't want to be your everything, I just want to be yours."

he knelt to his knees.

so how does it end, how did it even start?

get ready, a new story will unfold.
love, are you real?

January 2010.

i smell a breath of fresh air.

is it time for our boys to perform?
hopefully, and talking about hope.

let's all hope our boys perform.

when the Saudi Prince comes.

and watch them play Wolves.

Gillet is definitely leaving.

Hicks, please give the Price.

50% okay?

and I agree with Gerrard and Torres.

blame the players, not Rafael Benitez.

the man can do so much you know?

let's hope we get good loans in Jan.

and hopefully, funds too.

on a final note.

From the movie: Uptown Girls 2003

Molly Gunn (Brittany Murphy): Excuse me, Thumbelina, but you're still a little underage to be clubbing, aren't you?
Ray (Dakota Fanning): You're a little overage to be wearing a lampshade in your hair. Bright idea?

Rest In Peace Brittany Murphy.

we will miss you.

condolences to your family.

and to the acting world.

amin.

Anfield and Makkah.

2009-12-23T12:29:00.001+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim

to go to Anfield and Makkah.
to travel around the world.

amin.

smile, because i know there's better.

2009-12-20T21:53:00.004+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

when will i get back to 100%?

i recite,
"certain people have certain dreams, i am one with many. "

♥

we need to employ him on the field now.
i have faith in us, this is not the worst.

in all the five seasons with Benitez.
last night, i agree with Benitez.

"PERFECT"

but Benitez, i plead you.
4-4-2 please?

don't pressure Torres upfront alone.
and Kopites, i know you are all.
pissed at Benitez.

but as you can see, he is just as pissed.
as we are, because he is a Kopite too.

and last night, I swear it was not.

his fault.

Belhadj was offiside

like really.

go watch.

replay.

NOW!

Gerrard gave his all, Torres gave his all.

even Carragher gave his all, as we all saw.

i miss Finnan last night, his consistency.

superb.

oh well, right now.

we need to play 4-4-2 Benitez.

Torres upfront with Kuyt or Ngog.

(yes right now i have faith in Ngog already.)

Gerrard or Aquilani behind them.

Gerrard or Lucas or Masch hold.

defense has been good.

and January transfers, please loan us.

Pavylyuchenko or Nisterooy.

they will be great assets to us.

amin.

see you soon.

2009-12-18T17:51:00.005+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

(sunset caught in Liverpool)

I believe that some where out there, the sun shines brighter than any other light here.
I believe some where out there, a heart is burning with flames of pure passion.
I believe that deep inside our hearts, we are meant for something greater.

"A crossword puzzle is for people with crossed eyes. (Also for people with no head)."

-17 year old John Lennon in his "The Daily Howl".

amin.

what's the fuss about, Kopites?

2009-12-14T17:33:00.004+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

"Luis Garcia, He drinks Sangria.
He came from Barca, To bring us joy.

He's 5 foot 7, He's football heaven.
Please don't take, Our Luis away."

This small man, gave us joy in many ways. His goals, his cheeky tricks and many remember him as a miracle worker. I know I do, I don't know if its the same for my cousin. But yeah, he is my favourite player in Liverpool; added my favourite number on the back too. But this post isn't to reminisce this guy. Or even the glory he brought to us, but I want to remind you Kopites. What he wrote in his Thank You letter, after he left us.

"Your unconditional support is the thing that ensures that this team manages to pull through in the most difficult circumstances; and I can assure you that the whole squad is aware of this and thanks you for it.
A football club isn't just made up of players, coaches and directors. More than anything else it's the supporters who make a club, and that perhaps is the ingredient which best distinguishes Liverpool Football Club from every other team. The supporters.
Because if one thing has remained obvious to me after these few years, it's that with supporters like you, Liverpool Football Club will never walk alone."

So that's what he said, in part of the letter. So this is again, one of those difficult times our Liverpool is going through. Let's not shy away now, I know there are fingers to be pointed at. I know frustration is just around the corner, but hey, without Liverpool. Who are we Kopites anyway? Let's just back them up, keep singing till our throats burst and hope that we reignite the fire the player's hearts. I agree with Rafael Benitez, we do have confidence problems now. Everyone is criticizing the team, even us Kopites. And they are feeling the pressure, it isn't helping if we keep shouting and shouting and screaming at them. Asking them to perform, but are we helping them gaining confidence by doing this?

I saw an on-form Torres last night, the only thing that is wrong is: he wants to do so much for us fans. Rarely have I seen him impatiently running the line, he usually watches the offside. Last night, he just wants to score so badly; and I know its to remove the ache inside his heart. The ache that the fans and the club deserves so much more than what they are giving. But I propose, give them time. It's a new team, not really new, but look at it. Torres just came back, Aquilani just started playing and Gerrard just got back too. They need match fitness, and in time I know they will gain it. C'mon Kopites!
BELIEVE!

Stop screaming, stop whining, stop complaining and stop comparing. Let's all show some love, give them peace inside their heads. As much as it hurts, doing anything with anger and frustration isn't going to solve any problems. We have to enjoy, and we have to relax. The team has to learn that as well, enjoy each game and play as if it is their final game. Have fun, smile. The only time I see our players smiling (present), is when they score; and sometimes even when we won the game. Not every player is smiling, because they keep thinking of the negatives that they did. We need to start taking in positives and start to play with the positives and not negatives. Don't bother what others say, like we are bad at this and that. Yes we are, but think about it once and ONLY ONCE. Delete it afterwards, and take the positives from the negatives.

Rafael Benitez, I know there are Kopites who despise you now and there are Kopites who love you still. I take no stand, I will stand by Liverpool and I will stand by those who will stand by Liverpool. Right now, is not to think about that. I don't care what others say, but I know there is magic in you. C'mon, light up the fire inside the hearts of OUR players. And we Kopites, promise to send that fire ablaze. Rafael Benitez, in this I trust you to do.

I double Farrah Nair's post, I totally understand how she feels. But hey, we are Kopites, don't stoop down to their levels and call names and stuff like that. And last night's game, was totally unlucky. I double Farrah Nair on that again. And how she ended her post, I double that too.
(I double two many times, LOL!)

From Farrah Nair's Blog: Like the great Bill Shankly said “A lot of football success is in the mind. You must believe you are the best and then make sure that you are.”

And Farrah, yes you are still a RED.
as I am forever a RED.

amin.

don't lose hope now.

2009-12-13T13:55:00.002+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Remember this day?
Remember the glory?
Remember the agony?
45 minutes of pure pain.
75 minutes of pure exhilaration.

but did you notice, the win was a comeback AFTER 21 years of getting banned in the competition? We won four in the span of 8 years: 1977, 1978, 1981, 1984. If we were not banned, I think we would have reached Madrid's superb count of 9; or even, we could have won more than them. Because even before Madrid won one Champions League trophy, we had already won 4. So then, we had to painstakingly wait 21 years to win our fifth. It was already written that Steven Gerrard would lift the fifth, after 21 years of ban. It was our mark to the world, to inform the world that we are back, and we are serious. Also to thank Rafael Benitez for that night, not forget Jerzy Dudek and the team of 2005. The miracle in Istanbul is not just a miracle, it was fate.

I was not born with all the glory of watching Liverpool winning the BPL (formerly EPL), in the year 1991. I was born a year after we won our 18th title, none after that. I think I only heard of Liverpool then, in 2001. When I was 10, in the year 2001, the year where all my mischief started but that will be another story. The year I fell in love with The Kop, was the year we won the treble with Gerard Houlier, with our captain Sami Hyppia. I know it is kind of lame, to support the winning team. But hey, they did not win the Premier League but still I feel in love with them. I supported Arsenal when I was younger, influenced by my second brother; but I only liked Arsenal also because of two players: Emmanuel Petit and David Seaman. Other than that, there was no love for Arsenal as a team. I was very young, so I did not know a thing. Every has got to love their team somewhere, and what was the cause. At that point of time too, I did not know my family consists of Liverpool fans. Like the whole big family, Liverpool fans. Of course a few of team Manchester United fans. Then I was lucky enough, to watch us capture the eyes of the world, to capture our fifth European title. A feat no other English team has done.It was magical, I remember going to school bragging about it. I felt proud, like I was on top of the world. I guess every Kopite would feel that way too?

21 years of ban lifted = Champions League Glory.
20 years of BPL no-show = criticisms.

But hey, don't you put us down yet. You can never put us away just yet, look at the statistics in 06-07. We lost 10 games and drew 8 games, we finished third; ahead of Arsenal. In 07-08, we lost 4 and drew 13, we finished fourth. Then in 08-09, we lost 2 drew 11, we finished second; gave Manchester United a push like no push. This year, its not even reach half way point, we already lost 5 and drew 3. Looking at the statistics year by year, I don't think we are out of the title race yet. Even though we are 13 points away from Chelsea, and this year we have Manchester City on the run for top four too. I doubt the other teams will keep on winning and winning, they will draw some and lose some in the times to come. We too will lose some and draw some, agree? Chelsea lost 2-1 to Manchester City and also drew last night to Everton. Manchester United lost to Aston Villa 1-0 last night, so no team in the BPL will keep winning and winning. Not unless it was Arsenal 03-04 team, they lost no games in the whole season; which was superb really. I was humbled to see such a feat done. And maybe also Chelsea 04-05 team, where they lost only 1 game. As you can see, this is the world of soccer, no team will ever stay consistent. Because why, we are ALL humans; we make mistakes.

We are not in a crisis yet, the only crisis we have is those Yanks taking away ALL our funds. And I know every Kopite wants them out now, and please send some rich Arab to take over us. Either we win lose or draw tonight, we are still in the title race; it won't be over till its May. I am certain, we will still be in the top four. Our players are coming back, the other teams are starting to face our injury problems. They have started their season at the start, we just wanted to start abit later. Don't you lose hope now, keep the faith. Maybe we won't win the BPL this year, but maybe the next.

21 years of ban lifted = Champions League Glory.
21 years of BPL no-show = 19th BPL title?
who knows yeah?

So rally with me Kopites, let us walk through this storm.
So rally with me Kopites, we will hold our heads up high.
So rally with me Kopites, we won't be tattered by this dark cloud.
So rally with me Kopites, let our dreams be tossed and blown.
So rally with me Kopites, let us walk on together.
So rally with me Kopites, with hopes in our hearts.
For we have each other, we won't be walking alone.
For we have each other, to see that golden sky.
For we have each other, we are Liverpool.

My brothers and sisters of Liverpool FC.
We are Kopites, we are the 12th persons.
We are, hands down, the best fans in the world.
Because of people like you and me, we are KOPITES.

And we will stand by Rafael Benitez.
And we will stand by Steven Gerrard.
And we will stand by our history.
THIS IS ANFIELD.
THIS OUR.
HOME!

WALK ON WALK ON!

amin.

hurts.

2009-12-03T23:07:00.002+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

you know what, I don't care what you do to me.

but what you do to yourself, is the one that hurts.

oh well, He works in His mysterious ways.

I believe, he will make it work.
for the world.

amin.

50years, of the Shankly Era.

2009-11-30T10:45:00.001+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Tomorrow, we celebrate 50years.
50years of the Shankly Era.
50years of walking with a legend.
Long Live Shankly.

"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that."
- Bill Shankly.

amin.

blessed.

2009-11-28T22:51:00.010+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

A Pathetic Fallacy:
"The attribution of human emotions or characteristics to inanimate objects or to nature."
OR
"1. causing or evoking pity, sympathetic sadness, sorrow,
2. affecting or moving the feelings.
3. pertaining to or caused by the feelings.
4. miserably or contemptibly inadequate"
+
"1. a deceptive, misleading, or false belief,
2. a misleading or unsound argument.
3. deceptive, misleading, or false nature; erroneousness.
4. Logic. any of various types of erroneous reasoning that render arguments logically unsound."

Of all the many things I am proud for,
Of all the many things I am blessed for.
This is one of them, and there is a whole long list.

This was my band, my family.
This was where I found a sister.
This was where I found 3 brothers.
Siti Adrianyanty.
Diniy Haiqal.
Rizal Rosli.
Muhd. Ruzaini.

We were nothing at the start, really nothing.
The talented one, Diniy.
The hardworkers, Rizal and Ruzaini.
The dependable princess, Yanty.
The organiser, yours truly.

I am blessed, to have you all.
I am glad, we had our run.
I miss you.

I recite, "the tune in your heart, is it in line with your world?"

amin.

two left feet.

2009-11-21T01:54:00.003+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

towards the sky i look,
towards the sun i'm blinded.
such virginity, such purity.
wild as it is, beautiful as it is made.
i try, to find such solace.

come now, hear me.
this man needs healing, this man needs help.
for all you know, he cannot walk straight.
the roads are winding, the signs are fading.

"no use i keep trying, no use seeing mine dying.
where's reason, when my heart starts failing.
where's beacon, when my body tramples down in fear.
where are you, when i need you near?"

he walks alone, limping.
knocking down, what he holds for support.
picking up the pieces, he makes a mess still.
nothing ever turns blue, everything is so darn white.

blurry visions.
stirring confusions.
coming decisions.
in riot these fusions.

"walking with two left feet, i make perfect sense.
Of happiness, and darkness mixed together."

amin.

Update.

2009-11-20T00:30:00.003+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Dreams.

As hours past, my dreams grow vast.
In a field filled with greens, I know I will win.
It takes to two clap, another two to flap.
Rest on the wings of an angel, I'll sleep with them fluffy bagels.

There are no barriers, I'm walking without failures.
Oh, how beautiful.
A sight to be seen, we are all born twins.
I salute to you, my favourite tune.

In dreams, I will dream.

Stories.

If you say you know, the story of the flower.
Then tell me how they bloom, and then why they wither.
If you say you know, so much about them trees.
Tell me why the leaves are green, and then how they lose their colour.

Two penguins, forever together.
Even if they lose each other, they'll get back together.
A soulmate for each, didn't I tell you?
We were all born twins, now don't you go hither.

amin.

look down.

2009-11-03T13:14:00.001+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

so near, yet so far.

the countless visiting hours.

i missed so many hours.

countless times.

deep down.

you're there, never gone.

there are so many times.

i wished you here.

like the moon.

you're a beautiful human.

like the moon.

you're just superb.

an awe.

a sight, that everyone.

and everyone, in my life.

should experience.

i did.

you're not gone.

i know you're not.

in the moonlight.

in the sunlight.

i miss you.

i love you.

you.

amin.

Gaia.

2009-11-01T11:41:00.001+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

This is that philosophy.
This is those 3words.
That condemns us.

Teach us to love ourselves 1st.
But not to, love others 1st.

How can we call ourselves.
Humans??

Why are we Humans??
We don't care for others.
We don't care, for the land we step on.
This land, this big ball of water.

Gaia.
Save Gaia.
Its true when Michael said.
They don't care about us.
They being Humans.
Us is him and Gaia.
He is Gaia's son.
We need you.
We miss you.

I love you.

amin.

look for me, when you're done.

2009-10-30T11:04:00.003+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

a heart's a temple, for them bestowed.

a heart's a mystery, for them unknown.

a man lost his heart, along the aisle of hopes.

a man lost his soul, finding ways to fix his heart.

there are times when a man tries so hard, when a man gives his all.
but time and time again, he lost the fight.

then time and time again, he lost his will.

then he saw them eyes, he saw what he wills to heal.

among the shadows, his fire burned bright.

among the animosity, his heart was afloat.

the beacon of light, the wings of hope.

he is.

look for that heart, and you shall find hope.

look for that light, and you shall find peace.

it all disappears now, it all goes away now.

but inside, he is still alive.

breathing.

kicking.

fighting.

crawling.

maimed, he is not.

paralyzed, he won't be.

for he is not, he is never.

ever.

losing.

i quote, "say goodbye, as we dance with the devil tonight."

amin.

i miss mine sun.

2009-10-29T10:37:00.003+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

i seek the horizon amidst this mental delirium.

i am.

i recite, "i am that sun, at the end of time."

This Is IT.
a must-see movie.
and i watched.
28th October 2009.

a total jaw-dropper.

amin.

3 at 1 go.

2009-10-25T09:34:00.015+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

not everyone's lucky, not everyone's wealthy.
we are all individuals, we are all ourselves.
there are no carbon copies, none two same entities.
life as we live it, live as we influence it.
you see, there are choices in life.
that we make every day, at every intersection of our lives.

and.
everyday we love, everyday we fall.
everyday we hate, and everyday we rise.
and with each day that passes, we seem to lose.
no matter what, we still lose.
anything in particular, and maybe sometimes.

we lose, everything.
unfair as it sounds, now that's life.

but.
there are people who win, everything.
and they don't seem to stop, cruel to the eyes ain't it?
they don't lose, they never lose.
but unlucky as they are, that they don't get to live life.
they don't lose, they don't give.
sad as it is, their lives are what commoners want.
if that's what you want, to win.
go ahead, because.
there ain't nothing, like the adrenaline.
the rush, that we all get.
when we lose, no matter how bad we lose.
cause that's life, and they aren't that lucky.
to live and lose, and win sometimes.

- final de la primera parte -

“Above all, I would like to be remembered as a man who was selfless, who strove and worried so that others could share the glory, and who built up a family of people who could hold their heads up high and say, 'We're Liverpool'.” -Bill Shankly.

i believe, just like i did before.
and like i did before, i will not back down.
WE will not back down, no matter if we die.
no matter if, everything goes down the drain.
win, lose or draw.
our hearts remain as one, our hearts are true.
we Kopites fight, we Kopites are real.
again i will say, and on behalf of my family.
we are proud, to be Kopites.
and forever will be, Kopites.

tonight, we will face Manchester United.
no matter what the results, i will love Liverpool FC still.
even if we lose, even if we are relegated at the end.

and boys, give it your all.
as we give ours, to you.
if we lose, we lose giving our all.

and if we go down, we go down fighting.
but if we win, once again we prove to the world.
that they should never, NEVER.
doubt us, no matter what the results.
i will give my all, i will breathe with you.
brothers, sisters and all Kopites alike.
now and forever, Liverpool FC.
YNWA!

- final de la segunda parte -

as i look towards the stars, i hope you're watching me.
in this life that i live, and in the moments that i breathe.
i want you, to be mine savior.
and as imperfect as i am, i know im trying.
to be the best that i can, for you.
but i know, you want me to be happy.
and i know i am, because i had someone like you.
i love you.

i quote, "i believe that the heart does, go on and on."

amin.

magic.

2009-10-19T22:23:00.008+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

imagine, all the books ever existed.
there was never one, that could actually.
make the heart gold, or the world love.
think about it, think hard about it.
and you'll find, that sometimes.

we need a little bit more than that.
something called faith, belief.
not in God.

but surely, and forever more.
in the person we fight for.
every day, every moment, every breath.
and while we search, for something to believe in.
we all forget about this person, this beautiful person.

this person so imperfectly perfect, in his/her own right.
and the best thing is, you don't have to look for this person.
for this person, is standing there.
and not going anywhere, because.

this person stands, in your own two shoes.

yes we all forget, who we are.
why are we here, and what is our purpose.
we forget to believe, to believe in ourselves.
who we are, is determined by our hearts.
why we are here, is determined by our souls.
and our purpose, its built upon the pillars.
of hope, love and sincerity.
by all means, the road you choose to go on.
because the purpose in life, isn't preset.
its what we choose to do, what we choose to pass on.

every day, is a new day.
every day, is a new ray of life.
a new ray of hope.
a new ray of love.

i believe, we make the difference.
i believe, we make the change.
life, isn't it just wonderful?

i recite, "i believe in magic."

amin.

dying young.

2009-10-18T16:39:00.003+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

the good die young.
they're off.
to a much better place.
i don't see people dying.
i see souls, hearts and love.
these are the good things in life.
and they do die young.

i recite, "i miss you, daddy."

amin.

in dreams, we sleep.

2009-10-16T03:27:00.005+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

"Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
-William Shakespeare. Macbeth: Act V, Scene V.

sometimes we scream, and then get screamed at.
sometimes we cry, and then a shoulder to cry on.
sometimes we fight, for our own right.
and then, fought for others.
sometimes the world.
just spins.
and spins.

spins.

spins.

and then, there are times.
where we die, inside out.

dying isn't just, six feet under.
we lose ourselves, we lost our way.
unable to find a way back, pathways blocked.

what do we do then?
drop-dead?
die.

die.

die.

a certain something rots, smells funny.
blood gushing through each vein, faster than a speeding bullet.

love like winter, as cold as ice.

hearts broken, turned stone cold.

warm us up, we need your light.
we need your loving, this earth.
it's already rotting.

why?

who?

how?

hello there you, you who are reading this.

close your eyes, imagine pain.

a father raping his own daughter.

a son killing the very womb he came from.

a daughter prostitutes herself.

a mother selling her own children.

a brother shoots his brains out.

a sister slicing her blood out.

all the wasted dreams.

all the wasted tears.

all the wasted life.

where do we go?

when does this stop?

void.

stop.

eyeballs are dropping.

hearts, are just not hearts.

where have all them hearts go?

i say no more.

"Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow."
-William Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet: Act II, Scene II.

i recite, "love, love, LOVE. like you mean it, not because you want it."

amin.

2009-10-14T03:57:00.006+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

spins.

and then, there are times.

"Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow."

-William Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet: Act V, Scene V.

not back for good, but for the better.

2009-10-12T23:41:00.004+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

i'm taking this front and center, Zee Yazier Nifail Hamzah is back. to serve, to fight, to infect and definitely. TO ANNOY.

are you ready? for this is going to be one helluva awesome flight, "TO INFINITY, AND BEYOND!"

i recite, "to change the world, i'll start with me."

amin.

stop, and listen.

2009-10-11T23:08:00.004+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

listen to that voice in your heart, because no matter what.
decisions you make.
paths you take.its your heart that needs to be satisfied.
everyone seems to forget, how much unhappy we are.deep down inside.
take a moment to stop, and listen.
are you happy with what you are doing?
are you enjoi-ing life as it is now?
i made a promise to my heart.
i'll be there to witness.
the beauty of your love.

i recite, " don't judge me, till you see the depth of my soul."

amin.

hold mine hand, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

2009-10-11T01:23:00.007+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

it's the essence that counts, I'm in this for the long-run.
are you?

i recite, "when a man falls in love, he bows down to his lady."

amin.

love, like how it should be.

2009-10-10T00:43:00.001+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.

-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

can we all just move back in time, where EGO was at its minimal and superficiality didn't exist at all. we are all beautiful people inside, that's what i believe in. if a man confesses his love to a woman, and she accepts. and if he was true and sincere, good. but if he is not, then why did he confess his love in the first place. it could also happen that, the man is true and sincere with his love, then she accepts. but then, she played him around. making him fall in love with her, but in actually fact, she's just toying him. if you're in love, and in a relationship, think again. are you true? if you are, i wish you the best in life. if not, tell him/her upfront. I'm assured, honesty is the best policy. and for those have yet to confess your love, do it now. or you might never have the chance to.

i recite, "a heart is not something you toy with, you don't know how much pain you leave that person in."

amin.

updating finally.

2009-10-09T22:07:00.001+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

The world we all live in today, is in so much pain. If you just stop, and listen. The world is mourning, crying desperately for help. Look into the eyes of the person next to you, look deep. If there's any one person who has lived long enough, without pain. I would do ANYTHING to meet this person, anything and everything. Because then, that person will set mine eyes at peace. Right now, my eyes rest peacefully into hers. Those passionate eyes of hers, i dwell in those eyes. Any reason why i should not?

Yesterday, cultural aesthetics was about who we are. Our identities, and i must say. Thank god i got this class, willing to share ideas and everyone freely expresses themselves. Because we know, there is no wrong nor right answer. Identities are what we all want, we all want to belong or just mean something to somebody. I find myself fighting for an identity, an identity no one else has. Well for that reason, i still have a long journey to go.

The class shared that how we create our identities, is by the mirrors around us. And those mirrors, are eyes. How others look at us, how others depend on us, how others look upon us are in one way or another, our identity. Everyone needs a friend, at least one. Because we live to exist, and our reason to live is to exist. I vouch for the freedom of mine imagination, what others gossip about me; good or bad. I don't really care, because to me. My mirror is still the eyes of the world, but i still remember that. Looking good for others, doesn't mean i will feel good. Therefore, be yourself. But don't forget who made you, or even, who are those who were there for you when you are not at your best.

I quote, "lose one friend. lose all friends. LOSE YOURSELF."

amin.

Driftwood.

2009-08-11T19:35:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Insignificant.
Inconsequential.
A piece of wood.
Floating in the ocean.
Without direction.
Without government.
Without a care to the world.
Just blue skies and stormy seasons.
Tearing up piece by piece.
As every wave pushes it far.

Remnants of a modest.
No single trace of memories.
No single trace of tyranny.
Broken.
Hurt.
Lost.

A drifter.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
Either smiles or cries.
Either laughter or hurt.
Here again it goes.
Drifting about.
Leaving everything.
Behind.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
John Lennon.

Liverpool Football Club.
This Saturday your season starts.
And my heart will fill with joy again.
My heart will sing again.
To your tune.
My pride.
I give to you.
My heart.
I leave it with you.
You gave me the best here in Singapore.
Now I shall do what I do.
For you.
As I am part of that 12th man.
Honoured.

"You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are.
You are what you are!"
John Lennon.

amin.

his letter to love, i wish him well.

2009-07-11T11:58:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Hey love,

Where are you?
How have you been?
For the past few months, i don't know what i've been doing.
I thought i was happy, i thought i was free.
I thought it would end, and you won't torment me anymore.
This feeling you give, is just too unbearable; just so confusing.
What is it that you want me to feel?
How is it that you want me to live my life?

I don't know if you'd understand.
But i hope this gets through.
I may seem happy, carefree, not having a thought of the world.
But it really is, actually a show, to see those smiles.
To hear laughter all around.
Isn't that what this world is for?
How could you.

I do.
Care for myself.
I do.
Have a heart.
That craves for peace.
I do care if i don't have enough.
I am jealous of you love.

I do not know if this is a phase.
I do not know if this is part of moving on.
I am uncertain of what i am moving from.
I am uncertain of where this hurt comes from.
I am pouring my heart out today because you told me to.
Time to let go, time to outlive this tragedy.
Why?
Why?

Why do I go through all this?
What have I done?
Is it truth or is it just to teach me a lesson that cannot be learnt.
I want an answer, i want to move on.
I want to smile every day because i want to, not because i have to.
I want to laugh each day, not carrying a luggage.
A luggage so huge, because that is my past.
I do not want to do that.
I want to be free, i do not want to hold it back any longer.

I want to let it go.
I want to live, like everyone else.
I want to sing, like no one is listening.
I want to die, without a thought of emptiness.
Without knowing, someone out there is suffering; just like i am.

I want a way out, i want to see a brighter day; not days like today.
Where every bright cloud that shines, seems to be ever so dull.
I am scribbling, not knowing my purpose.
But at least i know, that i feel human.

Hurting deeply, awounded.

I want to do what i want, i tell others to do.
I want to shine, like everyone else.
But i don't want another me, a fake.
Who does anything, just for a smile.
Just to see a much brighter day.

PS. I LOVE YOU.

amin.

" PS, read this link please : http://spanishdemocracy.blogspot.com/2009/07/sleigh-man-kazakhstani-kopite-rene.html . Kopites should be proud ! "

2009-07-06T10:11:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

here's a part of my song i wrote.
with MoyMoyPalaBoy's help.
thanks.
finally, i'm moving forward with the guitar.

" From one lie to the other.
I ran out of fuel
To think you'd even bother.
Now i'm the fool.
Gave you all my trust.
Threw away all my frust.
Just to know you'd go.
Why must i, be the one to fall. "

get my guitar skill right first.
then you'll hear the recording.

i need a drug.

amin.

TRAITOR, where is your heart?

2009-07-04T23:50:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

all the great number 10s.
you have just been kicked out.
you ain't a 10 in my book no more.

Luis Javier Garcia Sanz.
now that's a number 10.
now its Andriy Voronin.
he'll do great, surely.
given a chance.

look at this.

Michael TRAITOR Owen.
says "IT FEELS GREAT".

it's about you right?
never about loyalty.
never about heart.
its money.
its your career.
Rafa did the right thing kicking you out.

you went rotting at Madrid.
destroying Madrid's forward line.

you paralyzed at Newcastle.
doing nothing at all.

now you just died.
at the hands of a Scottish freak.

this comment by a Coventry Fan amused me.
"Alex Ferguson has lost the plot. Dosen't sign Carlos Tevez, still can't believe he bought Berbatov the worst most over priced player in the premership, and now he signs michael owen worst mistake ever. Liverpool have the 2009/2010 title in the bag, Man u 2 finish outside top 4! " - Chris H.

an LFC legend you are no more.

amin.

The Arrivals Series, truths?

2009-07-02T17:24:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Is this true? ..

Now look at this ..

I am not one who likes politics, but what they have found makes sense.
And since Youtube removed some of the episodes.
Which some I have watched.
I know that they are hiding.
Things that we are not supposed to know.
Or we are, but not put so obviously.
I do believe that someone.
Or something is messing with us.

I believe, this is much more ancient than illuminati and more twisted than politics.
Something is out there, and it is there to get us.

In god, i trust.

amin.

Michael Jackson, half a century isn't so bad.

2009-07-01T01:55:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Inna lilah wa inna ilayhi raji'oon
Mikaeel.
(also known as)
Michael Joseph Jackson.
The King Of Pop.

so much passion.
who does it better than him?
i will certainly miss you, i will.
i was awaiting for your album.
you didn't release it did you?
all those time you were in Cairo.
i'll miss you my man.
now almost all my icons are dead.

King Elvis Presley.
The Beatles; John Lennon.
King Michael Jackson.

you are the closest icon.
that almost all of my generation grew up with.
who grew up, without your songs.
have yet to listen to music.

when you were with Jackson5.
you were outstanding.
you didn't let your father bring you down.
your solo career.
SUPERB.

the life you had.
all the beautiful things you've done.
the energy, the power.
you had in your songs.
your humanitarian beliefs.
i'm sure your life has been wonderful.

The Earth Song.
one of my favourites.

may you meet my daddy.
while waiting for judgment day.
he was a fan of yours.

what are you?
have you no thought for MY mother?
the woman my father loves so much.
the woman who sweats so much.
who bled too many times.
just for us to live under this roof?
JUST FOR YOU TO BE FREE.
i have no regard for you.

i am sorry daddy.
he is one being i have yet to accept.
i am no prophet.
i will not lie to myself this time.
i love you.

amin.

Happy Father's Champions.

2009-06-21T23:47:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

you are alive, even if you're not breathing.
you are everywhere, that my feet bring me to.
you are watching, every little move i make.
may it be wrong, may it be right.
i am sorry, but you have been my beacon.
for the 15years, you've gone to a better place.
or awaiting to enter, that better place.

i've grown, into this man.
may i be respected or hated, i know this much.
that i am living this life, in hopes i am a testimony.
that you inspired, this son of yours.
to at least, be half as good as you.

i grew up, hearing only stories.
they still talk about you, the great man that you have been.
bad or good, the good things you done shines.
they shine in my eyes, they live in mine heart.

so imagine me, growing up.
knowing only, that the only person that is.
both my mother, and father is my mother.
my SUPERWOMAN, but still the lessons i learnt.
from the stories of yourself, are priceless.

your patience, bypass anyone i know.
your humility, bypass those alive today.
your presence, still lingers in the heart.
of those who remember you, Hamzah bin Abdul Rahman.

090509.
the day it became official, i have a father now.
eventhough he's only a stepfather, he has been nice.
please take good care of my mother, she needs it.
i salute you, Othman.

" I have learnt that, if i don't want others to feel what I don't want to feel.
I should not hurt them, but in return.
Make them feel, how I want to feel "

amin.

the great John Lennon.

2009-06-14T23:31:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

i was hanging out at home.
caught this awesome movie on HBO.
it had a whole lot of beatles songs.
made me miss listening to them.
watch the movie, it is AWESOME.
here's the dvd cover, i'm going to get it soon.
AND AND AND.
it features a scouser.
LIVERPOOL !

talking about the beatles.
i remember reading John Lennon's words.
he is my favourite beatle.
not Paul McCartney.
not Ringo Starr.
not George Harrison.
John Lennon.

i remember reading what he said about dreams.
and i agree with him.
dreams are made, and then chased.
nobody's going to help you get it.
here it is :

" You make your own dream.
That's the Beatles' story, isn't it? That's Yoko's story.
That's what I'm saying now. Produce your own dream.
If you want to save  Peru, go save Peru.
It's quite possible to do anything,
but not to put it on the leaders and the parking meters.
Don't expect Jimmy Carter or Ronald Reagan or John Lennon or
Yoko Ono or Bob Dylan or Jesus Christ to come and do it for you.
You have to do it yourself.
That's what the great masters and  mistresses have been saying ever since time began.
They can point the way, leave signposts and little instructions in various books that are
now called holy  and worshipped for the cover of the book and not for what it says,
but the instructions are all there for all to see, have always been and always will be.
There's nothing new under the sun.
All the roads lead to Rome. And people cannot provide it for you.
I can't wake you up. You can wake you up.
I can't cure you.You can cure you. "

so, that's what the great John Lennon said.
i believe in him.
and every second of my life.
i curse the person that shot him.
killed him, took away the dream of this young boy.
who might actually get to meet him.
if he was alive and kicking right now.
if Paul McCartney could live up till now.
why not him, right?

well love.
i am making one last stance.
to believe, that you are real.
and that you are pure.
don't take this away.
don't.

amin.

don't give up, live up.

2009-06-05T23:07:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

What is life, without having dreams.
What is living, if you got nothing to live for.
What is achieving, without you believing you can.
Then you come to think, what is this life for?

It ain't that hard to dream, and to have dream.
Whether it is logical, or illogical.
A dream IS a dream, no matter how it is perceived.

But no matter how many dreams you have, or had.
What matters is, do you believe in your dream?
Is your dream worth dying for, fighting for?
Do you, believe in that dream you have.
Do you believe in it so much, that you are willing.
Willing to go that extra mile, knowing that someday somehow.
You are going to achieve it.
You are going to live it.
You are going to enjoy it.

Once you do have dreams, and you believe in it.
Are you going to betray it, and thinking that it was all false hope.
Or are you going to go after it, making sure you succeed.

In every dream you have, the path you take.
The steps you make, and the places you go to.
Surely there are, hurdles.
Obstacles, to go through.
Then you start to think, you start to disbelief.

" Am i going to give up, or should i step up? "
" Am i going to die trying, or leave unstatisfied? "
" Is this path i want, or is this just a waste of time? "

The questions never end, it just keeps on piling.
Piling and piling, and it does not seem to be stopping.
What happens then?

In this solemn state, i pray.

And i know, it does not help waiting.
For miracles, because we make those miracles.
We make our chances, and we break our cycle.

" Have you given up yours, my son? "

I surely know, i have not.
But contribute to it, i have not.
I realize now, what have i done.
Is stop, believing.
I can only have self pittance, for myself.
Because, i have done nothing now.

To help myself, to achieve my dream.
I shall die trying, i shall not regret.
Life is just not worth living, with regret.
All in all, i want him to look at me.
From where ever he is at, heaven's door i suppose.
Smiling, and say.

" Now that's my boy, living his dream and always believing he can. "

Daddy, i miss you.
Eventhough, i do not know you.
Life's been tough, without you here.
But i'm holding up well, living this life for you.
My dreams are your dreams, and i shall not stop.
For you are, my beacon of hope and belief.
I'll sing my way through, i'll make sure i pull through.
I love you.

" Don't give up on your dreams, don't live your life thinking what if. "

amin.

2009-05-29T10:24:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Some people don't understand.
Some just don't bother.
And.
There some who just wants.
To get on the nerve.

They start assuming.
Then they start talking.
Then the bitching starts.
Then that's where the hating starts.

I know I have been taught.
To take the blame.
To end the fight.
And make it better.
Even if it hurts.
I shall do the same.
No matter if i die in vain.

I don't forget.
I never forget the things.
Those little things you do.
Just for me, to make me happy.
And i do take the time.
To appreciate those times.
And i try my best to help you up.
Whenever you needed that hand.

I don't go away.
And neglect you.
No, i don't.
Even if i am gone, for the years to come.
I will still be there, if you need me.
I just want you, to acknowledge me.
As your friend.

That's how i build it on.
That's how i put it on.
I test the distance.
I test the patience.
quote.
"you can't have too many good things at once."
"and its not good to have them all the time."
unquote.

that applies.
even to friendship.
to avoid the hurting.

I talk about this.
I remember my two bestfriends.
My two girls, who never fail.
To put a smile to my face.
And so endearingly.
I love them more.
Than my girlfriend.
Should i have one.
Years of friendship.
Isn't worth it to throw.

Saidatulfatimah.
I miss you.
Last I met you was weeks ago.
For that brief moment, i am happy.
Last i hung out with you.
A few months back.

Siti Adrianyanty.
I miss you.
My pillar of strength.
Nowadays, we meet rarely.
And i am glad to still get those hugs from you.
We both lead different lifestyles.
I miss our shopping trip.

Understand me.
Don't assume.
Don't judge.
I am a friend.
Different from other.
Kind of friends.

Love.
An issue.
Not to mess with.
With hope.
Trust.
And belief.
I'll get there soon my dear.
For the years to come.

amin.

LFC, it is engraved inside.

2009-05-18T09:20:00.000+08:00

Bismillah-ir Rahman-ir Rahim.

What would you do, when something you found.
Is so profoundly beautiful, it takes your heart away.
It makes breathing easier, and you see everything so very much clearer.
You start to shine with it, and you will want to die with it.
It makes you tear, like rain pouring down on rooftops.

NEVERTHELESS.

It makes your life worthwhile, more fulfilling than it was.
Embrace it, never wanting to let it go.
It is more than just life and death, as Bill Shankly said.
It is like your heartbeat, constant.
Never stopping, till the day you pass.
I praise it, it made my life ever so beautiful.

See what it gave me, gifts that are precious.
More precious than diamonds, more beautiful than pearls.
Brotherhood, friendship and love.

A friend, whom I was enemies with.
For over 3 years, never looked each other in the eye.
But for the love of Liverpool, we watched soccer together.
That was how we bonded, watching soccer.
Liverpool.

Brotherhood, more amazing than you have.
We cry, laugh and love.
Never was this close, never was meeting this much.
For the love of Liverpool, our brotherhood grew.
I never felt better, I never would ask for better.
We live and breathe Liverpool, unafraid of the society.
We sing it, we are proud of it.
Syarazi Haziq "alonso".
Nabil Akif "gerrard, your beauty"
Farhan Syah "torres".
Syahmi Nazri.
Haikal Syah "Garcia".
Ruzaini "boboi"
And the list goes on, this is my family.
My brotherhood of Kopites, our part of the 12th man.

With all these, came friends.
Because of Liverpool, we always want the best for Liverpool.

Love.
I fell in love, with Liverpool.
No matter how much it hurts, no matter how much it takes.
It still engraved, from deep down inside.

"come what may, I will live my days, and end it, as a KOPITE.
I will never walk alone."
Yazier Nifail Hamzah.

it is not just a club, it is OUR family.
YNWA !

amin.

I LOVE MAY ! THE TENTH !

2009-05-04T11:23:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

"To know that deep inside you scream.
And then find out that no one hears you.
You're stuck in that solace.
Finding an exit, that seems to be so near.
Yet, you can't reach it no matter how fast you run.

This heart brackets the equations.
This heart cuts it off.
Not wanting to hurt.
Not wanting to be hurt.
What is with this deformity?
Turn the light on.
I need to see.
What's there.
What's here.
What is the new truth?

Holding on tight.
To the lost truth of yesterday.
I wish there was more to see.
I wish there was more of me.
To hold on.
To never let go.
How?"

May!
alot of things going on.
woo~
celebrate birthday like more than 3times.
haha, different batches of friends.
woo~
ibu's wedding some more.
it was a blast.
now rizal is infatuated with my cousins.
from my step dad's side.
haha!
arsehole rizal.
i wish i can blog more, busy laa dudes and dudettes!
thanks for updating yourselves here anyway!
loves!

amin.

what's your meaning, life?

2009-04-24T17:33:00.001+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

i don't see the reason why.
this cycle has to go the alternate way.
why it has to go beyond reason.
and make us all live in denial.
live in the absolute absence of sense.
and then, all of us just move along.
like time has yet to move at all.

what i see today.
isn't what i saw yesterday.
i know everyday is a different experience.
all in all, it is never the same two days.
no matter how much you think you're stuck in a worm hole.
where time does not move.

in yesterday, life was simpler.
nothing changes this cycle.
a man marries a woman.
and a woman delivers her child.
and the child lives his/her deprived.
or not.
but then again, it is their own life.

i am caught in this cycle.
but it is only natural.
to move a little.
change IS inevitable.
but unnecessary change is just too.
pornographic?
sadistic?

what say you?
i would like to know.
it is not impossible.
to know what you have known.
to find out what you have found out.
try.
but for certain.

i am failing.
falling.
are you?

echo that mimic.
i'll see you in the twilight of my life.

amin.

OASIS ; superb!

2009-04-07T12:10:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

going to OASIS concert, was like a dream.
not a dream, as in aspiration.
but a dream, that comes when you sleep.
couldn't believe there were right before my eyes.

Arck was already crying, couldn't blame him.
he is one of the biggest fans i know, he knows OASIS.
like from what they like, to what they don't like.
what they do, what they don't do.
for example, alot of the fans there.
didn't know why he shouted "MAN CITY".
OASIS were from there, and supported them.
NOT MANCHESTER UNITED.
glad enough.

Rizal and myself were like, is this real.
Rizal was adamant that the indonesian chick.
beside him, was beautiful.
he regrets not asking for her number, LOL!
i noticed a few girls, TOTALLY not interested.
esp the chinese girl who squeezed beside me.
she ONLY sang 3 songs, other than that.
she just raised her hand and stare up stage!

i was forever waiting for Falling Down and Importance of Being Idle.
when they performed Importance, i was like jumping the highest.
above everyone else, I SANG THE WHOLE SONG THROUGH!!
lol, i closed my eyes and sang as loudly.
the girl on my right side, talked to her bf.
"why is he singing liddat?"
in malay, i ignored.
haha, i'm bloody excited about the song.
then came Falling Down.
when it started, most around me were like"err?"
the song is from the new album, can't blame.
but i shouted Falling Down, LOUDLY!!
after the concert, my friends from PEN A said they heard me.
woo!
that means OASIS hears me too, LOL!

but but, even though we didn't get to grab Liam's two tambourines.
or even his towel, or Noel's towel.
fyi, a Caucasian was like proud he got Liam's towel.
he saw me holding the poster, and said.
"You got their poster, i got Liam Gallagher's towel. How about that?"
haha, couldn't blame him for being estatic.
what me and Arck got was.
Liam staring at us.
four Caucasians were in front of me, laughing and all.
Liam stared at them, i raised my hand.
and showed PEACE to him.
he changed his direction to stare at me and ARCK.
woo~!

seriously, it was AMAZING.
out of this world experience.
so in total i went to 3 concerts.
Incubus.
Ungu.
Oasis.
sad that i am broke, and i can't go to Kaiser Chiefs.
which is tonight, i want to here my favourite song song!!
NEVER MISS A BEAT!!
haha.

okay well, after the concert.
went to meet Shai and the Twins and Joel.
not Joel Lee, another Joel.
me, Shai, twins and Arck.
we hung out, because the twins entering NS today.
just now at 10am.
Jalan Bahar Camp, fireman twins.
haha!
we hung out, then i was hungry.
they accompanied me eat instant noodles.
Shai showed us videos, haha!
Wondergirls sensation.
Nobody.
but yeahh, Wondergirls are hot.
esp after knowing their ages.
HAHA!

then we seperated ways, Shai went the other way.
he's eastern, we four are western.
HAHA!
since there was no NR, and we were short on cash.
we walked home.
all the way to telok blangah.
then we seperated, we had a good chat along the way though.
me and Arck walked all they way to Redhill plaza or wadever its called.
and took cab.
we had $18.
and it took $18.20 to reach jurong point.
the uncle just made us pay $18.
we told him beforehand that we have $18 though.

oh ya, and btw.
Chelsea, you're not getting past us this time.
Liverpool, in my heart forever.
Y.N.W.A ! ! !

amin.

my life being ; Trainer Zee.

2009-03-30T01:35:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim

Bedok North Secondary 3 (SAFRA Mt. Faber).
Greenview Secondary 1 (CSPR).
Pasir Ris Crest Secondary 3 (SAFRA Mt. Faber).
Blangah Rise Primary 4 & 5 (CSPR).
Compassvale Secondary 3 Campfire (Pulau Ubin)
Nanyang Girls Secondary 1 (SAFRA Mt. Faber).
Mayflower Secondary 2 (CSPR).

SP CAMPERS.

There are numerous amounts of people i have yet to thank, apologise, embrace.
The experience, is out of this world.
Every single camp, there are different things to remember.
Even if there were times where i wanted to get aggressive.
Times when i just wanted to lift off to lala land.
Times when i was laughing so hard.
Times when it was just hard to hold back my tears.
For sure, it won't end here.

I still remember my very first batch of students.
They were not those students who shine the brightest.
But they are the best at what they do.
Which is being themselves.
I remember you.

I still remember being called names; "Uncle, Cookie Monster".
I still remember the "BURN CLAP", how hilarious and fun it was.
My students were a bunch of lovely people, cute, fun and shy.
Hard to even believe they are Secondary 1.
I remember you.

You cheered, you screamed, you laughed.
I made you run, all across Telok Blangah, as one.
I knew how tired you are, but you still kept on going.
And at the end, you made me cry so hard.
I remember you.

I screamed, i reprimanded.
And i almost fainted.
It was a challenge, but somehow i know.
I touched that little heart of yours.
I remember you.

The magical campfire.
Hogwarts as i call it, with a touch of shuffling.
I saw your tired faces, some already fell asleep.
But you did your best, to shine.
I remember you.

Those cheers, that laughter.
The cute group names, it was hilarious.
I'm sad it did not end smoothly.
But i hope i did something that makes you remember.
Because; i remember you.

You were not proactive, you were not that responsive.
But that is what makes you shine the most, your friendship.
Build on that bond, don't neglect your friends.
I still remember making jokes with you, bang bang candy!
I remember you.

Surely.
This is not totally over, i know.
Because every end, leads to a new beginning.
Each and every one of you, made me believe.
In my own aspiration.
To Inspire.
To Change.

So many things that happened.
So many things i wish i could say.
Wish i could share.
Wish i could write more.
But i am happy, that i did what i did.
And you remember, what i did.

And the friends i made here.
The many many friends i made.
I thank you all, for giving me the chance.
To be myself, and to shine in my own right.
No matter our differences, no matter our arguments.
I still wouldn't change you for another.
Because we touched those lives, together.
As we touched each others' life.
I remember you.

"BOOTS, SHOES, SNEAKERS, SOCKS! SP CAMPERS REALLY ROCKS!"

camp season zero-one almost over.
Keming Primary 5.
i'll be coming to your campfire.
SHINE alright?

amin.

this is my warning to you. SMILE!

2009-03-22T16:40:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

how would you like it, if someone labeled you as something you are not.
yes, maybe sometimes we can label some people.
because of the way they wear, they act and the words they use.
but at the same time, get it straight that you still don't know that person.
but if you label someone, just because they dress a certain way.
just because they look a certain way.
let me ask you, what would you feel if I labeled you the same way?
think, this is a silent FUCK YOU.

humans are perfect, they just neglect the ideology.
being perfect is to be able to recognize your mistakes.
and after that, correct it.

in other events, yesterday I was at the Adidas and the Robinson's fair.
with my brothers four, Harith, Haziq, Nabil and Farhan.
FYI, we are the Brothers Five.
even though one of 'em is a Manchester United fan, he's still someone I respect.
not forgetting Haziq's friend's, who were more than entertaining.
Dan, Adam and Afiq.
and Nabil's friend Chris, sorry if we were a bore.
and to my friends, Rezman, Liyana, Syafiq, Masidayu, and especially my bestfriend.
Siti Adrianyanty.
thanks for accompanying!
bestie, shopping two days straight is uber NUTS!

okay back to my point, saw these pink Adidas shoes.
thanks Harith and Yanty, help me picked it.
here it is.

cool?
there ain' nothing like it.

so then, at night we went to meet up with Rizal, Haziq's friend Shafaa.
if that's spelt correctly, haha!
and Masidayu's boyfriend, Rafiz.
went to eat, i diet stupidly.
just drank ICE CHING TANG!
then we went to play pool.

then after that is, when this word came out.
PARTIALLY; it is tonight's word, okay children?
*winks!*

amin.

14th March 2009.

2009-03-20T04:50:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Never Forget 14th March 2009 Kopites.
Biggest win against them since 1936.
Who wouldn't explode with excitement right?
Until i forget where my phone is, haha.

amin.

The Boy Who Loved : Chapter 01

2009-03-20T04:30:00.000+08:00

01 : IDENTITY

This is a story about a boy named Luis.

Luis is a strong young man, maybe not physically; but emotionally. He is one who demands respect as he gives his respect, his motto. Respect is only given, when the other party respects. Some might say Luis is still young and immature, but only to some. His wisdom, is beyond his age. He is wise, because he is smart. He picks his words before he speaks, and he trust his words so much. That in his heart, the words are never out line. He isn't spoilt, he isn't rowdy. He went through tough phases in life, and only he understands the battle that goes on inside of him. He isn't actually a saint, but his intentions. Equal, as if a saint. He wants people to understand fairness, he wants the world to notice kindness. That is who he is, that is what he wants.

As any adolescent, Luis seek for an identity. Something that resembles him, something that is unique to who he is. Not what people say, what not people make him to be. He wants to build a reputation, that is ever so hard to keep. YET, only he can handle. At that time nothing ever says unique, than being the most popular kind guy at school. That was his aim, but that aim. Did not come on in easy, he was not even sure that he had an aim. And it all started, when he entered secondary school life.

Remeber the time when you just started secondary school? Some might get the same schools as their primary school friend, and then start to be bestfriends for life. For Luis, he starts as if he was primary 1. No old close friends to walk around with, just himself. The first time he entered class, no one approached him to be friends. And he felt like as if the world was against him, and to the him. It's an insult to his manhood, eventhough he was still a boy then.

2009-01-28T23:40:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Starlight starbright, life lost all in fright.
All may seem so strong and sturdy, deep inside all weak and murky.
To spend this life, in all and all.
To not get lost, and not get tossed.
In dreams that are ever so vast, moving ever so fast.

He.
Never afraid to try, just careful never to cry.
For once he tries to live so free, but again he's caught among tall trees.
And he asks.
"Ever felt afraid, to just be afraid?
This fear I live in.
Leaves me begging always."

Salvaging true love, means to love without obligations.
To not care of what you see, but to be contented of they are.
Then again, mind those who loved.

His sanctuary crumbles, just afraid to fall in love.
Maybe afraid to be left hanging, and live in a lie like before.
He doesn't know if he should give his all, don't know if he should be so strong.

In stories he is told, love is ever so bold.
Concludes.
Materials of this new age destroys purity, looking for another sanctuary.

And I still believe in principles, that makes me who I am right now.

amin.

cheerios readers!

2009-01-20T02:58:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Heal me.

I’m heartsick.
I’m hungry and I'm broken.
I'm haunted, and weeping the blood of heaven flowing like a river tonight.
Tears I can't fight on my own.
I'm a haunted heathen.
I’m hung and barely breathing.
The drowning ocean.
Snuff the sun in motion.

There’s a pill on my tongue.

A shot from a gun, the bottle's bottom, I'm lonely as a star.

Heal me.

I’m heartsick.

Hungry thought I could survive on you.

Hear my heartsick hungry cry.

I'm heartsick.

Father, free me.

Mama woman feed me

A child of fury.

Lost his way but don't worry I won't stop 'til the dawn.

I've been too long on the run.

I grow strong, and restless as a storm

Heal me.

I’m heartsick.

Hungry thought I could survive on you.

Hear my heartsick hungry cry.

I'm heartsick.

Heal me.

I'm heartsick.

I'm hungry and I'm broken.

I'm haunted, and weeping.

The blood of heaven flowing like a river tonight.

Tears I can't fight on my own.

Heal me.
I’m heartsick.
Hungry thought I could survive on you.
Hear my heartsick hungry cry.
I'm heartsick.

Back to camp.
Pasir Ris Crescent Seconday 3.
Get ready to meet.
ZEE, THE GREAT.
haha.
PEACE!

amin.

camp rockzilla!

2009-01-18T21:44:00.000+08:00

woo.
doing tons and tons of camps i think.
i'm super sorry to the netizens who read this blog.
im rarely online nowadays yea?

to all of you.
i'm doing great.
this year surely going to school.
and NOT going to NS so soon.
haha.
those who are close can text me yea?

i have tons of pictures to upload but so little time yea?
love you readers.
rock on!

life, ends in a just a blink of an eye.

2009-01-13T00:49:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

January 2009.
How many more losses can i take?
I'm off for another camp.
Just text if you need me.

Phases in life, you just can't escape.
Death is just one of 'em.

amin.

2009-01-09T07:28:00.000+08:00

Bismillah-ir Rahman-ir Rahim.

Camp was tremendously fun.
To my secondary 3 Bedok North students.
You rocked my world.
And I apologise.
Because maybe some of you.
Don't deserved to be shouted at.
I had great time with you people.
The best of your years has yet to come.
Only that you met me at the start.
"I'll find you, don't try to find me."

To the one who passed.
And i missed your burial.
I am sorry.
But I know you are at a better place.
And I pray you will find.
All that you need.
By his side.
You left me fond memories.
Eventhough we are not close.
Magic tricks.
Which I fell for as a kid.
Your smile embeded.
In this tiny heart of mine.
You made a difference.

Seven Pounds.
Extraordinary movie.
I loved Will Smith eversince his Bad Boys movie.
Great movies he has done.
But lately i realised that his movies have backtracks.
Which is totally splendid.
EVERYONE.
I emphasis everyone.
Should watch seven pounds.
Almost made me cry.
Totally inspiring and meaningful.
Not just another wasteful movie.

Reading Brisingr.
Third inheritence book of Eragon.
Can't wait to find out how it ends.
The book itself is a gift.
I consider it a New Year Gift.
By my lovely short adorable sister.
Nadia Rifhan Hamzah.
I know I am not always at home.
But the whole family is always on my mind.
And when i mean whole.
I mean whole.
I LOVE MY FAMILY.
Aku Anak Hamzah.
Aku Cucu Alijah.
Aku Yazier Nifail Hamzah.

amin.

What it means to be a musician.

2008-12-31T08:07:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

There are musicians out there.
Doing what they do.
To why they start these lives.
As musicians.

Some do it for fame.
Some do it to score.
Some do it for the big bucks
Some do it to take a leap in socializing.
Some do it to boast.
Some do it, to be the best in their area.
Some do it to achieve.
Some do it, because of the love of performing.
Some do it, because they love music.
Some do it, just to enjoy a smile on that strangers face.

That's what i found yesterday.
Musicians who play with their heart.
Out of sincerity.
Out of the love of music.
We spoke to them.
We meaning Me Harith and Athirah.
My cousins and I.
We spoke to them and they shared alot.
Even if it was about 10mins.
They were friendly.
And old.
Which comes with the word, experience.

Imagine playing in the public.
Where they are so many different tastes.
Of music among those who past you.
Imagine them just walk past you.
I am one who cannot face rejection.
Not in the sense of love.
Because rejection in that area is a norm i guess.
But to see people not enjoy the music i play.
Or sometimes.
Being a singer.
You might think people don't like your voice.
I can say this.
That is something we musicians are afraid of.
No matter how big our egos are.

The fact that people like the genre you're playing.
They listen to the same type of music you do.
Then suddenly when you peform.
They don't like your performance.
They move away with disheartened faces.
The singer.
Would be the one most affected.
Because voice is an instrument.
That tuning takes practice and practice.
It isn't like a guitar.
Or even a drum.

So here's the video.
(sound is bad, sorry).
Of the street buskers.
Who touched my soul.
Because they were displaying.
The heart of a muscian.
Btw, listen to them.
They play infront of Raffles City.
Just across the road of City Hall Mrt.
The large pathway beside the SMRT building.
Around the evening though.

amin.

Luis Javier Garcia Sanz.

2008-12-30T11:54:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Luis Javier Garcia Sanz

My all time liverpool hero.
My favourite number as well, t-e-n.

We are sitting at the top of the table, 3-points clear of Chelsea. And yes, 7-points clear of Manchester United. Even if Man United have 2 games in hand, we're still a point ahead. And we still have proven to everyone, silenced the critics. That this time, we're taking back what is rightfully ours. Great win against Newcastle United, 5-1 victory. It'll be sweeter if it was the case, against Man United. But no matter, kopites. Breathe in, we start 2009 being at the top of the table. I am confident, because this is the BEST Liverpool team i've watch. And also, this is the longest time (within the time frame of since i supported LFC) we've been at the top of the table.

I still remember that most of the time i had to bear mockings from those who supported Man United, but again. I don't mind, because it made me see how adamant i am to support, what people call "kental". (One of the names LFC was called, but whatever) FYI, we are the biggest and the BEST team in Europe. And LFC also have what we call the 12th man, us fans. And we are the best, in the world. *PROVEN*

I had to add this in.
Chelsea was nothing till Roman bought them.
Manchester United was nothing till Alex Ferguson managed them.
Liverpool was great eversince we were born.
We were born GREAT.

The history, the pride, the faith and the Kop.
LFC forever.

amin.

Liverpool Liverpool. (Re-posted)

2008-12-27T05:36:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

3-0.
great goals by Keane.
and not forgeting Riera.
excellent performance.
wonderful boxing day.
and actually a relief to finally win at home again.
tonight.
watchout magpies.
we are coming.
and with a great roar.
wait.
we aren't lions.
what do larks do?
help me anyone?

i read my dearest cousin's blog.
and i am moved.
maybe i don't watch all Liverpool matches.
yes i do miss some.
but Haziq, i bet he does not.
in the future he probably will.
no matter.

Liverpool.
definitely.
maybe we don't headline everytime.
but i can bet you.
no other team has what it takes to be us.
but let's deal the cards here.
18 Premier League Titles
5 Uefa Champions League Cups
We get to keep the CL-cup at Anfield, ONLY team in EPL to do so.
Which makes us the 3rd in the list of giants in Europe.
Just below Real Madrid (9time winners) and AC Milan (7time winners)

why do people support Manchester United.
not that i have anything against them.
but i DESPISE supporters who just support but know nothing about the club.
they support only because they keep winning and winning.
and also.
if you think Cristiano is handsome and has skills.
we have Gerrard, who is definitely handsome and definitely skillful.
but to me, who is more skillful and a better footballer.
Gerrard is.
can Cristiano lift his team up from the dead?
maybe he probably can, but it's all him.
Gerrard lifts the team, and the whole team shines.

if you talk skillful, i think Giggs is much more of a player than Cristiano is.
and look who shines more?
why aren't Manchester United fans not cheering for Giggs anymore.
he is a United legend, and i know there are people out there who agrees with me.
we Liverpool fans pay our dues and respects.
for example.
look at Robbie Fowler.
he came back.
and maybe this time he did not shine like he did before.
but still, he is treated like God still.
look at Dudek.
our 2005 Champions League Hero.
he is still respected by many of us.
eventhough his performances in the last few games were not up to standard.
we know what he is capable of.
and what he already given us.

Liverpool FC.
not football club.
but FAN CLUB.
we are the best in the world.
we stand by our team.
no matter the result.
live.
love.
with three letters.
not I L U.
but LFC.

i'm thinking of a picture tonight.
Liverpool Forever!

"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that." - Bill Shankly

amin.

wooWEE~

2008-12-22T23:07:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

i am so effing HIGH. seriously, you don't know how high i am right now. like today, was supposedly to be a lazy day for me. all because liverpool draw with arsenal, kinda like shit. but oh well, i'm still hoping for the 19-year wait to end. maybe for me, i just waited since i was 11. but for other liverpuldians, its a struggle for us. but we stand by liverpool, through good and bad times.

so, moving on. why is yazier nifail hamzah, aka reizay liafin rock n' roll star, is so effing high.

i can't and will address this matter openly, BUT. the story goes like this, in the afternoon. i hung out with a friend of mine, long time since i met her. we talked about how our lives had been, lately. so yeah, she shared her side and i shared mine. we both know alot of about each other, but predominently. i'm the one with better memory, and she is intermidated by me. haa~

so like, she said this to me. which i totally agree, and i totally believe that god has his ways. "usually the one who did not ask for the break up, wouldn't worry too much. or wouldn't be the one at the suffering end, because he/she knows that he/she gave the relationship their all. and the one who is really at fault, is the unsatisfied one."

that is that, and we can't add nothing to that. and like i always say, i did gave it my all. just that my lifestyle, is abit more OPEN that you would've wished. this is a short post laa, i know you people love my ever so long posts. but today, sorry! and my post are a little bit too far off from each other, so i'm being fair.

okay laa, talk about jamming. doing so this friday, at fourtones studio. 4pm to 6pm, i hope ruzaini's coming. we go way back, like seriously.

First OF The Gang To Die - Morrissey
I Bet That You Look Good On The Dancefloor - Arctic Monkeys
Razz - Kings Of Leon
When You Were Young - The Killers

okay, i want this band to make it. i want to perform, and have my own album together with the band. which reminds me, i saw greatspyexperiment's album at gramophone. i was abit teary, and also very proud. i know there's electrico, but i don't listen to them. and i do listen to great spy, and since i was roaming around with my old friend. i told her, one day you're going to see my album here. she gave me a smirk, and just laugh. but like einstein said in the advertisement, on television that is.

"if the idea is not absurd at the start, then it'll be of no use pursuing."

i think it went like that lorh, haha. but in singapore, the idea of having an album IS absurd. alright then, till next time! rock on readers, lova ya!

amin.

i-confidence.

2008-12-18T16:00:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

hanky panky monkey funky!
rhymes right?
haha!
tell you what.
13th december 2008.
i don't know what got over me.
gross -EST thing i ever did.
only one person knows what.
haha.

monday's fishing trip was great.
we had fun.
singing.
rapping.
shouting.
making rezman naked.
haha.
all in the name of fun.
eventhough no fish was caught.
we caught something better.
F-U-N-!-!-!

tuesday on the way home trip was funny.
saw a chick on the bus.
haha.
all of us was too tired to disturb.
so we just ignored.
they were ignorant people on the bus too.
oh ya.
my bag towards east coast = 15kg + + +
my bag on the way home = 15kg + + +
fishing equipment ain't lightweighted okay?!
haha.
saw vanessa at boon lay interchange.
with her soon to be boyfriend.
the guys asked if i was jealous.
PPPFFFFTTTTT!!!
why should i be right?
haha!
and guess what diniy said!!!
"no matter what, you and vanessa were a more perfect couple."
and i said.
"oh, well!" *smirks*
hahahahahahha.
and with that i remember someone saying.
"you and syafiqah look perfect for each other."
and that someone happens to be one of syafiqah's bestfriends.
so the bottomline is, anyone with me will be perfect.
but, there are obligations though.
hahahahahaha!
aren't i just VERY SHAMELESS?

yesterday.
wednesday.
kind of fucked up know?
khai the lead guitarist.
who is the first one wanting to join my band.
when i was looking for guitarists.
he was a no show.
he did say he was backing out.
i'm cool with that.
but he said he would come for the jamm session.
and guess what.
he was a NO-SHOW.
and there was not even an apology.
he didn't reply nor pick up my calls.
what the eff right?
then in the wee hours of the morning.
discussed about band with yanty.
yazier adrianyanty rizal.
we three are together since KRYSTELLE.
that was when we were 14.
we're almost 18 now.
so that's effing long.
and this time.
following our maturity.
i think it's time we stick to one genre.
not go around trying everything again.
because we already done that for more than 2 years.
we know our abilities.
and we saw our progressions together.
how bad we were then.
how acceptable we are now.
and i still stand by my words.
"everyone can sing, it's just you want it or you don't."

oh ya, yanty told me about someone's blog.
hahahaha.
i was so effing high when i heard it.
and when i read it just now.
again i'm high.
eff it.
so the song, THE MOMENT by SAFETYSUIT.
is like a straight eff you in your face.
"You will probably end up with someone half as good as me so"
ain't that true?
i only take serious relationships.
so applicants, if you want to enjoy your life bitching.
you're not worth my time.
even if i have close girl friends.
that doesn't stop me from being a great boyfriend.
"A Great Boyfriend"
i quote that from saidatulfatimah.
and she said that about me and i know you know.
WE KNOW.
it's true.

i'm confident, NOT cocky.

amin.

the lost three-letter word, Y O U.

2008-12-12T06:16:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

The Moment - Safetysuit
From when I wake in the morning till I go and I fall asleep each night
I fight to hold onto a love that is inside
Because my past is like a nightmare that I never can escape
And I can't wait till I wake up so I can fall back asleep
And I don’t understand what happened between you and me but
You will probably end up with someone half as good as me so
I don’t care if you want to look in my eyes and say hello
You were blind to me now I’m blind to you
So now I wait for a moment when I know that there is no one left to see
All the hurt that’s inside me and the reason that I need
I need to let go of the things I see that have always let me fall
And I cannot find my way home no because I’m already home
I don’t know what you need
But I know you’re listening now
And I don’t care what you think
Because you didn’t think to care about me

Great song, great lyrics. Well, i always find the RIGHT songs for the RIGHT occasion don't i? Haha, so cocky but hey. It's true, period. But the occasion is kinda long over, but it still hurts. And this song is exactly how i feel, seriously. I have moved on, like in the song swing swing by allamericanrejects. And my pampering, isn't like other guy's pampering. They know.

Lately life has made me topsy turvy again, and i'm left with choosing. It's confusing though, given the right signs. But i don't know if those signs, are saying love and affection or just friendship. Because there is this kind of closure, that just CLICKS with you so well from the very start. It is so very hard to get, seriously. You can meet any random person, and try talking to them. It's ever likely that you can feel like, as if talking to your bestfriend with that random person.

And it feels like talking to my bestfriend, and bullying . feels like bullying my bestfriend. And pampering . feels like, pampering my bestfriend. Irritate . like i irritate my bestfriend, but i don't want . to be my bestfriend. Because i already have a bestfriend that i confide in, and she is Siti Adrianyanty. Something more special, i need . to be.

There is always this wall, right infront of me. That blocks my path, always. And when i thought i had broke through that wall, i get kicked and smacked in the face back out that wall. And after that, the wall is impenetrable. Now again, the wall is back. And this time, i am afraid. AND! I am afraid to be afraid, so i have to try. And i hope i prevail this time round, i'm doing this for . .

amin.

2008-12-05T02:01:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim

always the one waiting.
not waited for.
or am i just blind?
just content to see true love.
salvage through modern times.
i've seen one-sided love so great.
it takes much courage.
and i respect that.
because i know what it feels to be so.
i'm not saying i'm perfect.
i HAVE been a dick in the past.
but i am a changed young adult.

looking at love from the sidelines.
in awe.
of what it can do.

now i quote from 8 Mile.
"don't try to judge me dude, you don't know what the fuck i've been through."

new band coming up soon.
watch out 2009.
cause this Rock N' Roll Star.
is about to rise.

imissmydad. (:

amin

ME.

2008-12-03T23:09:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Starlight star bright,
life lost all in fright.
All may seem so strong and sturdy,
but deep inside it's all weak and murky.
To spend this life,
in all and all.
To not get lost,
in dreams so vast.
Never was afraid to try,
just always afraid to cry.

For once i try to live so free,
but again I'm caught among tall trees.
Ever felt afraid,
to just be afraid?
This fear i live in,
leaves me always begging.

Salvaging true love,
means love without obligations.
To not care of what you see,
but to be content of what they are.
Then again,
be mindful of those who loved.

My sanctuary crumbles,
just afraid to fall in love.
Maybe afraid to left hanging,
and live a lie again like before.
I don't know if i can give my all,
i don't know if i should be so strong.
In stories i am told,
love is ever so bold.
Materials of this new age destroys purity,
i seek a new kind of sanctuary.

But still believing in principles, that made me ME.

the irritating but lovable one.
zee, the great.
year 2008.

amin.

2008-11-23T22:45:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim

to be and not to be,
what's there to be?
when all tranquility is gone,
and hope lost for no reasons.

if life was water,
so calm and pure.
still,
pollution is inevitable.
and we have ripples,
as symbols.
of them disruptions in life,
of them that troubles us.

but even so.

we know those ripples,
no matter how big or how robust.
it will subside,
in time.

to say the least,
time will heal all wounds.
but yet,
scars remain.
making it impossible to forget,
making it memorable.
for the times to come,
for the magic is done.

now is the time,
rejoice.
look around,
what have you attained,
what have you lost.
because you are you,
and no one else is you.

hold that beacon up for me,
we shall a prayer in god's name.

Yazier Nifail Hamzah's
Zee, The Great.
2008.

amin.

poet.

2008-11-22T15:39:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim

A cold and silent night,
stars being ever so bright.
Moonlit evenings ever so dull,
dining to fish and skulls.

Oh an irony to hate,
and just live in infamy.
Stop this unjust cruelty,
and start the long awaited generosity.

Understand my words,
and you'll understand your life's own chords.

Yazier Nifail Hamzah.
Rock & Roll Star's.
2008.

amin.

the secret that wouldn't reveal itself

2008-11-19T16:15:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

seriously, i don't know why i titled that. i typed the, and it pop up with that sentence. it sounded cool, so why not right? today, pouring and pouring non-stop. why am i complaining?! i'll just summarise my life so far okay?

let's see, start from last friday? yeah, last friday would be good.

Friday : i was still feeling heart broken by the lies of hers, i don't hate her. but it was just unfair that she could not tell me earlier that, it has faded. but i read her messages over and over again, my brain tells me that she isn't worth all the pain. but the heart says, there is still a chance. what a bloody dilemma, even to get some sleep. it took quite some time, especially with the memories still passing through my head. i can't believe i held back my anger at her, even after what she did. guess i am stronger than i thought i was, whoosh~

Saturday: fixed fique's brother's pelamin, then went straight home. bathe and all, after reading a chapter of "Eragon : Book One of Inheritance". i fell asleep, was supposed to go to haziq's house to watch soccer. man called and called, but i woke up at 8.30pm. granny was at my house, then i realised the urgency. i called man, to meet me at kedai kopi since at home i have no more football channel. i rushed and all, took my bike and sped to the kedai kopi. reached around 9, no goals yet. glorious night, liverpool beat bolton 2-0. the ending to this 19year wait, is getting closer and closer for us kopites. You'll Never Walk Alone, cheers to the brothers of kopites in singapore!

Sunday: the day of revival, i went to haziq's jamm session. an made me bleed with the mic, but nonetheless. i love my brothers, i only get harsh on them for their own good. then went to work, open the pelamin at tampines. was stationed with diniy, and miraculously. i thought it was going to be another normal working day, but seriously. i found my soul again, i have to thank diniy for it though. he made me dig deep in me, to have the confidence that i once had. yes it was easy enough to move on knowing that it was my dressing, but the memories were still there. okay, BACK TO THE STORY! we saw chicks down there, and both me diniy was stuck looking at this minah tudung. she was HOT i tell you, HOT-T. haha, and also, she LOOKED younger. didn't approach her on the spot, but i did. i was jubilant that i had still the confidence to walk to her, run after her actually. and ask for her number, after that. this rock n' roll star, returned with a bang!

Monday: texted the girl, and to my total disbelief. diniy's disbelief too, she was 19! and to think, i even called her adik. hahahahhaha, ironic isn't it? but still, she didn't mind. and the compliments we changed about each other, is enough. hahahaha, and seriously people. I AM HOT-T and SEXY! hahahaha, told you i'm back with a bang! kay, then went out with faisal and diniy. diniy went ahead to vivo first, he bought trivium's biography "The Mark Of Perserverance". me and faisal went to play pool at lucky plaza, until diniy joined us. diniy played 2sets, then we left for far east. to eat, don't know what that shop's name was. but faisal reccomended it, it was delicious. then after that we went to sit and talk outside far east, and finally to borders. saw ALOT of cds to buy, but i just bought AC/DC's newest album. $22.95, then that's it for monday.

Tuesday: woke up at 7.30am, went back to sleep. woke up at 10plus, was already late to CMPB. going there was so called, a waste of time. then i was alone, at 11.30am. at bukit merah, what should i do? eat, what else. found a macdonalds, ate mcChicken meal. and there, while reading my book. was texting the girl too, not going to reveal the name. ask and i'll answer, because i don't have permission to say it publicly. she was attached, to say dissapointed or anything. i'm not actually, just glad that it took me enough confidence. and i did earn a great friend, she's amazing and BRAVE. hahahaha, still have to know her better. then met diniy around 2 or 3pm, he was suppose to go for an unplugged interview. after going to art house, and couldn't find it. then he gave up, he was SUPER nervous. i was against the idea of him giving up, but its his decision. then we had our fun at esplanade. SUPERB fun, just me and diniy and zaini's guitar. then we chilled, read our books. and i'm proud of a feat, i finished Eragon. i was just last week that i bought it, all 754-pages of it. after so long of not reading, it was good to know i still i can read that fast. to me its fast, shut up those who can read faster. especially my cousin harith, GIANT! haha! bought "Eldest : Book Two of Inheritance" and reading it already, read 180-pages already. after this, its "Brisingr : Book Three of Inheritance".

summarised enough? well, to the world out there. this rock n' roll star is back, and is better than ever. arrogance is good, but only when its helping raise your self confidence and not hurting others. if you think you're so beautiful than others, open your eyes. because there are fair things in this world, look closer.

rock n' roll everyone!

amin.

dreams.

2008-11-13T16:00:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

heyho people. last night, at mike's birthday. was awesome, thanks for inviting mike! haha, kay the title is dreams because i had a total of 3 dreams last night and they were different. i woke up and went back to sleep, i woke up and went to sleep. they all were different dreams, but i just want to mention one here today. because the dream was kind of like a look back, into my past. a nightmare i guess, haha. it was the first day i met syasya, i dressed horribly. it was to exchange presents, still remember what i bought her. and the smile that i had when she texted me, i have a vivid image to that text. i don't keep it though, i am eff-good at remembering. haha!

she didn't like slekey people, i knew that. i actually really knew that, and i knew what i was doing was testing her. don't know if she reads my blog, but if she is. "yes, i was testing you on loving me the way i am not the way i dress." in the whole of TKC, dress codes differ. seriously differs. but among all of us, i know who dresses slekey. who doesn't care about how they dress, who is the dirtiest MF. who dresses like their own business, who dresses the nicest and who dresses wrong-place-wrong-dress-code. and i am the last one, i say that proudly. but to list the slekey-ness, for sure i am not the last few. rizal is undeniably first, he dresses real well and no girl wouldn't not want to talk to him. man, dresses like his own business. haha, that's one cool MF. let's see, i won't say more on dressing. but yeah, i don't dress in-trend clothings. and i don't dress norm, i just like going casual almost always. oh ya, i read in a book. and i totally agree!

"first impressions, yes they do last a lifetime. but what you do in that lifetime, lasts even longer."

"good grooming is essential, but why do it yourself when you have a wife?"

so to the second quote, CHEERS! i rather let my girl choose what she wants me to wear, so that she'll be happy when she sees me. what if i chose, and she is like saying everything is pin-point wrong. eventhough she doesn't say it, the guy knows it. even the dumb ones, no offence though~!

and how i would like to dress, really how. is if i got enough money, to buy ARMANI. that's the shit right there, no money. don't buy, just wear anything you like. i got enough self-esteem to blow the world off, but not enough to challenge Oasis. haha, oh ya. comparing the twin brothers of TKC, faisal and me. what's there to compare?

amin.

excuse me fashion world.

2008-11-12T17:26:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

hey readers! sorry, i will get to you in the longest post soon. right now, i just want to say that. if you love the way someone dress, marry the clothes. because my personality, is worth more than any clothing would cost. and for i noticed why, her infatuation fades.

firstly, Luque = HipHop. secondly, Alyph = HipHop. thirdly, Yazier = Rockstar. last But not least, Haiqal = HipHop.

eat that hip hop fashion clothing (no offence to the brothers of hiphop), love comes from deep down inside. a rockstar like me, is worth more than what you think i'm priced. i'm doing my cause for music, and my burns. let me say that once more, my BURNS. reminded people of The King, and they ask me. "are you imitating Elvis Presley?" for sure i am, who can ever forget what he did for music. without him, do you think there is even The Beatles? without The Beatles, is there even the musicians of today? i don't think so, and i am sure that the EMAs 08 (held at Liverpool) proved how many musicians respect The Beatles. i'm a universalists, just that my preferance is rock n' roll. where the tunes of today, started a few centuries ago.

amin.

2008-11-08T15:57:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

if i am THAT perfect, why does this happen? i don't understand, devastated. yet i'm forgiving you, because you and i. we all make mistakes, you just lost yourself. i am here waiting, till you make your final decision.

amin.

2008-11-06T15:33:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

woo.
effing LONG time since i updated, and now 3peeps ask me to link. hehe. been very busy blog readers. so very sorry! oh well, what can i say. i'm a busy man, haha.

met up with old friends, new friends, best friends, fuck friends. oh wait, i fon't have fuck friends. or do i? hahaha. what the fuck?

here are some news, the journey of Krystelle to ApatheticFallacy to Tied-Ants has ended. gone our seperate ways, yanty went to acoustics. din will go to metal as soon as he gets a new guit. zal is in a dilemma. me,who needs a vocalist. do INFORM ME ASAP. haha, i miss the jamming room okay.

other news is, i have yet to have a girlfriend. there is still vacancy, hahahahaha.

rock on peepos!
love ya.

amin.

ANNOUCEMENT!!!

2008-10-23T11:54:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

nobody could answer my question, except faisal. but had to translate it for him, like err?
well.
i have an annoucement.
i'm making my blog a storybook.
a novel actually.
chapter one is on the way.
the novel is titled The Boy Who Loved.
it's not only a love story.
it's more than that.
hope you readers read it continuosly after i publish it.

and oh ya.
theory on first love.
ideas please?
haha.

amin.

question

2008-10-17T11:05:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

how do you deal with something you agree on, but it defeats your principles of life?

amin.

Part Zero-Zero Two.

2008-10-15T07:39:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahmin-ir rahim.

quoted, from somebody close. "each time, i look at her. my heart starts to go fast, my mind goes haywire. i don't have a clue what to say, what to do, even what words to use on her. eventhough now, it is understood that we are just friends. devasted, i just can't accept that fact."

i swear i did not edit the words, it is spoken in that manner. and whatever i quote, i never name them. unless the person reading it, actually knows who. kay, back to part zero-zero two. the wrong thing about trying to move on, is lying. not to others, but to yourself. you see, it does not matter what you tell to people. because trust, is there. they want to accept it that you are not lying, but are you? people keep asking, if he/she would take you back. would you get back to him/her? in this case, the him/her is the one who broke his/her heart. the answer would be quick, "doesn't mean i still love him/her, i want to get back with him/her". but the underlying statement there, the moment you said the first half of the sentence. you already confessed that you do, that's the only part of the sentence that matters. and for everyone of you out there, my advise to you. stop lying to yourself, no matter how shameful it gets. no matter if it takes years, months to move on. because sincerely i say, nobody can heal a broken heart; alone. because everytime you try to heal your heart, time will bring you someone who wants to hold your hand and love you for the person you are.

Lyrics From November Rain By Guns N' Roses.

But lovers always come and lovers always go
And no one's really sure who's lettin' go today

I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you
these lyrics shows alot, see how meaningful music was then. look at now, how meaningful are the music people are listening to nowadays.

amin.

bestfriend.

2008-10-14T12:22:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

when i was thirteen, i was the luckiest guy. swear, i was. i hadn't got tons of friends like i do now, and most of my close friends were like outside. and they were better off, seriously better off. but being me, i had to make friends. fyi, my first friend in secondary school was rumida. she had a friendly face, what was i to do. then imraan remember me from last time, the thing about me is that i don't forget faces/people easily. i just forget names, at the speed of light. then my first close friend, was ruzaini. i owe my dues to rumida and ruzaini, the start of beautiful things. like APatheticFallacy '06, yeah we rocked. like seriously, haha.

then there was her, my everything. my bestfriend, the person i look up to. she was like, rebelious but at the same time. hardworking, and never was lazy to study and stuff. she always gets through things, and she is the most sensible girl i've ever met. and to beat her english, as good as mine is. her english, and her slang. she is as complete as any woman can get, at least a woman in my eyes that is. she can be serious one moment, and the next. crazy as ever, something like i am right now. how i met her, well here the story goes.

at the start of the year, no friends no nothing. after 1/4 of the year gone, i think. a bunch of upper secondary girls asked me to join their group of friends, oh well why not.but i wasn't with them always anyway, like after school we took a smoke and go home. that was how it was, being girls. fyi, they were not my influence to smoking. started like at 10, didn't even know them. kay back to the story, there was this day, it was friday i think. cca day, like shit. i wasn't active in cca until secondary 3, which soccer just started and i was forever going because they was hairee. and i like soccer, haha. alot of sidetracks, lol. i wanted to get a smoke, so i went with sarah (one of the upper secondary girls, she is half english btw). then otw out, thats where we first crossed each other. it was like an intervention to my life, at first when i look at her. she was hot, so i thought. WOW. but then, i didn't have the feel to like be her boyfriend and shit. it never did come to me, but that meeting. was the most hilarious one, i can't mention it here. she'll kill me if i did, all i can say is pink. then after that, since we're secondary 1. we have time to go smoke together and hang out more, thats when people thought we were an item. but we were never, like seriously never. we sat together all the time, we also share the same plate of rice when we eat. and its always her who feeds me, i was terrible at feeding people. then of course, i took it from her to know how. even the stall aunty was like asking, the malay stall which sells like western every friday. those who know, should know. we said we were not, and that we were the best of friends. but still, they were surprised at how we could eat on one plate. actually, on my point of view. it is because she could not eat alot and i have to finish for her, but on second thought. she eats alot too, and she loves eating pineapples. and she forced me to eat fruits as well, and it becomes a habit nowadays. there was this once, the stall aunty's mum talked to us. she was the one serving us at the moment, she said one day we arre going to be husband and wife. that remains to be seen, but our response. we laughed, and then looked at each other. and we said, its a vow that it will never happen. we vowed infront of the stall aunty's mum, all she did was smile.

after all the time i've been with her, she taught me how it is to be carefree. to be fair to everyone, to smile all the time. most importantly, how to treat a girl. and she is all of me that is nice as a friend, that i owe to her. she taught me how, to be a great friend. a lesson to forever remember, and we are open minded. and i don't think any girl can except the foreign culture kind of friendship that i have, thats why she is unique. that's why she is my bestfriend, among all my TKC(TheKecohCrew). sadly, i drifted away. because of issues, her relationship. and that relationship ended too, but we are still close. not as close though, because of the drift i guess. i regret it though, but for sure i am forever indebt to her. met recently at her open house, and she still takes my breath away. felt great after that day, just busy with our seperate life now i guess. a complete woman, thats what she is. maybe my future wife, will be the one replacing her. haven't found that wife yet, though.

Saidatulfatimah, how i miss being by your side.

amin.

don't speak, just listen.

2008-09-30T02:46:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

selamat hari raya aidilfitri everyone!
forgiveness is asked.
i know i make mistakes.

for the tragedy that just happened, for those who know and those do not know to find out. i am terribly disheartened to do it, another failed timeline. oh well, i don't have time to openly grieve about it. if someone see me crying, well they'll start to cry. and my aim, is to spread smiles all over right? it is a god forsaken responsibility! please try to understand that i have my expections, and i really hate the way it went. memories will keep on coming, i swear. as a friend/brother, i'll do what i do best. making you smile, and good memories is on your way.

finally, i felt the blood boil. the unsurpass happiness, of hari raya. i cannot wait, to wear my baju kurung. and meet my family, the whole BIG lot of them. when i mean big, i really mean BIG. my mum, in total has 10 blood brothers and sisters. left with 8, and she also has 13 step sisters and brothers, if i am not wrong luhh. but that already makes 23, and i know it is a number above 20. and yes, my ranking in the family has already reach grandfather. it is a complicating story, but it is the truth. oh well. what to do. at least i am not old yet.

i wrote this some time ago, i don't know if anyone read it before. just to end this post yeah?

Paranoia, hits me random.
Why do i have, these empty thoughts.
Don't i have enough, to think and ponder.
Crazy they drive me, these thoughts are deluding.
I worry too much, carefree i want to be.
Like my brothers and sisters, whenever i am with.
But then again, we know an outing.
Means keeping each other happy, and smile.
But then AGAIN, we all have time to listen to the tears.
That flow each time, the world hurts us all.
I always, and always.
Carry a burden, the weight of the world.
On my feeble shoulders, my weak legs support me.
Teach me a lesson, tell me a story.
Set me free, send me flying.
And i will roam free, as a bird.
All accredited to you.

amin.

READ AISYAH ADIK'S BLOG!!!!

2008-09-28T21:28:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

adik just complimented me BIG TIME.
aww.
she just made my day.
knowing how happy i already made her.

amin.

Part Zero-Zero-One.

2008-09-24T03:43:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

FIRST LOVE.

quoted, of two girls in my life. "of course he is not my first boyfriend, but he is the first to everything. therefore, he is my first love." and there, in those eyes. i saw the pain, sadness, and the love that still lingers on for their first love. and yes, i understand. how it must've felt like, and how it really is painful to know that it's over. well, to say the least. mine ended, before it even started.

people can say that they understand, but they fo they actually understand? yes, it is comforting. but get real, it isn't the truth. unless you've really been there, you've cried on it. and you know, how hard it is to let go. how hard it is, to just fall in love again. to accept another, just in a matter of time. some just go bezerk, and everything is like in a blur. some get so angry, that they do the unthinkable. leading them to the label-treatment by the society, which i seriously agree that no one can escape.

my viewpoint, on first love. you will never forget it, no matter how far in life you'll get. you'll turn back one day, and you'll laugh at it. some may even, cry on it. yes, i am young and i haven't got any experience on these things. you see, that's the mindset that people should change. AGE, is not the problem. what matters, is how fast can you adapt and accept the influences around you. listening to others, is also experience shared. scan everything, every story. you don't live uncountable lifetimes, to experience everything. so listening, like what i did, is the best way to learn. back to the topic, you'll never forget it. because why, you'll live by the measurements from your first love. like seriously, you will. maybe it isn't obvious, until you notice it yourself. and even if you don't follow the measurements, you'll surely follow the thoughts of your first love. because somewhere, deep down inside of you. you know, how much it has hurt you. you know, that maybe. possibly. there could be a chance of it returning, and when it does. you'll be playing hard to get, because why. you want to make sure he/she isn't playing on you AGAIN. even if the possibility is miniscule, you'll live by that miniscule chance. and even if a million people ask, have you really forgotten about your first love. you'll always be answering in the same in assurance that you have, but deep down. you know, if you could turn back time. you'll grab any chance, just so that the break up doesn't happen.

amin.

the review on the fairytale endings.

2008-09-23T03:22:00.000+08:00

bismillah-ir rahman-ir rahim.

Mamma Mia - ABBA

now i really get it why my late father was so into them, COOL! haha, i mean like. the storyboard of the lyrics, the composition of the music. aww, wish i was in their era. haha, but i am happy i am in this modern era. BUT, i don't agree with alot of the wars and hostility.

was thinking alot, and also a friend mentioned about this. been wondering, like you always want something so bad. but in the end, you got something completely different than what you wanted. like in every relationship, SERIOUS relationship. you always want that fairytale ending that happens in movies, and in storybooks. but eventually, even if you get glimpses of it. it will actually not last long, like seriously it won't. it is possible, but nothing ever turns out right in life.

this brings to the topic of the inituition of life partners, haha. i am thinking alot you know, and these are basically just my point of views. not subject to any event or, anyone in my life. they say, when you want these and these qualities in your husbands and wives. it might, it might not happen know? like they say, one day. when you partner arrives in your life, you will notice it. it happens, just like that. without you noticing it, and then you start planning about marriage.

haha, i can't really post alot today yeah. alot of thinking is too be done, alot of asessing also. i am so called a, walking breathing example of a body language examining laser. haha, oh ya. i had a haircut today. with short hair, i don't know how to style it. so like, please reccomend me hairstyles!

amin.